Why is it most girls prefer men who treat them badly?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SCUK2009, Sep 28, 2010.

  1. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    This is just an observation btw. One girl told me it was because with a guy who treats them really nice, they think it could just be an act. I always see girls with awful boyfriends, baffles me tbh.
  2. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    It is a large minority not most. Most want a loving partner.
  3. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Not disagreeing with that.
  4. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    There is want and there is want
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I dunno...

    Sounds like an immature attitude about relationships.
    Possible a learned attitude from abusive parents; or parents who argue and treat eachother badly because they should've been separated years and years ago...

    I don't know a single girl who "likes" guys to treat them badly.
    If they are in a relationship like that; they will often make excuses for him because they think they 'love' them. The way they see it, things are not really so bad at all.

    Also~ the relationship may not be as horrible as you might think if you're just watching how they are together in public.
    Some people will act completely opposite in public as they do when they're home or in a more intimate setting; as a defense mechanism.
    Then again... this is possible but not likely, I think. If you see a couple arguing in public all the time- chances are, they argue at home as well.
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Cause bad boys are exciting, and nice boys, often arent? Bit simple, but it probably holds true in many instances. Im a fairly nice guy imo, but probably not the most exciting, except in the bedroom...but thats another story (and a load of s***...or is it? ;) )

    Also, its not always easy to predict that some guy is going to turn out to be a tosser, and smack you around (unless word of mouth and the grape vine has already confirmed it). People get unlucky, sometimes, repeatedly unlucky.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I cannot even count how many women I dated who were in abusive relationships before I came along. It was dozens!!!!!!!! I heard their stories and always asked why they stayed in those relationships so long.

    THe answer was always "I don't know"! But they stayed until they got beaten up enough physically or psychologically that they couldn't take it anymore.

    However, "Mr. Nice Guy" was not what they wanted either, because that is basically what I was and the relationships never worked out. Some of them actually told me they were breaking up with me because I was "TOO NICE". So there is def. something they are looking for along the lines of the typical "bad boy"!

    I think the answer could lie in the post above that women see "bad boys" as more exciting.

    YEP, I guess O.J. Simpson was a very exciting guy!
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2010
  8. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Could be just a case that they want it all? I've read a few bleeding hearts columns lately and its a recurrent feeling. There all waiting for Mr Perfect. Will chew through dozens of relationships to get to him/her. Bad news everyone, his one in a billion, those odds are really, really shitty. Its ok when 20 to say that....when you get older, you get a little more perspective on loneliness v perfection. In my book, id rather escape the loneliness than seek the perfection ill never find.
  9. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    Nobody wants to be with someone that treats them badly.
    Everyone wants someone to care for them, and try their very best not to hurt them.
    In reality, a lot of young men do put on an 'act' to get the girl, but only start acting badly once they have dug their claws into the girl.
    I have been a relationship like this, I didn't want it, but I didn't know how to get out.
    I was just lonely, and he treated me so well at first.
    Once he knew I was his, that's when the real side of him shined through.
    I try my best to treat my boyfriends well, because they deserve it if they are willing to put up with my crap. LOL
    It would be really nice to have someone to care for you unconditionally, but it is hard to believe, and paranoia sets in, because of how men have acted in the past.
  10. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with that, especially the last sentence. What really sucks is how if you do believe someone really cares about you unconditionally, and they don't, it will ruin your trust forever =(
  11. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    This is entirely true.
    I think that is why the trust I have for others has been questioned over the years.
    It's not only intimate relationships; it's family relationships as well.
    People are allowing themselves to be hurt by their family.
    Family is supposed to love unconditionally and if they don't, you are left in tears.

    I hope you find someone that will love you unconditionally Nyu. :)
    I hope everyone will.
  12. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I haven't been with anyone who has ever treated me right, so I'm happy by myself which shows in how well I am :D. All my close relationships have been shit and they weren't only men.

    That said, I ask the same question about girls/women I know who "prefer" to stay in (or trying to escape) an abusive relationship; and it is a serious addiction, so I think 'choice' is limited. So there are multi-layered answers, stemming from what is learnt/family + the present cycles of fear/torture/ control + a broken self esteem and severe mental health issues like depression.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2010
  14. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    Agree 100% with this. :p
  15. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

  16. Claws

    Claws Active Member

    Yeah sometimes it seems to me that they like to be treated bad like they love the drama but that's just the people I know. I would never put up with being treated badly.
  17. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    watch Maggie Smith in Murder on The Orient Express. She has that EXACT line.
  18. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Switch genders and you are exactly how I feel.
  19. Twinkle ☆ Twinkle

    Twinkle ☆ Twinkle Well-Known Member

    I was with a guy who treated me badly once, and I still kept wanting me. I guess the reason for that was because I obsessed with failing in the relationship, and feeling that I wasn't good enough for him and all I wanted was to be good enough so that I could be more confident in myself.

    But I actually want a loving parter.

    And I guess from that experience I learned to not let anyone use me or treat me badly. I'm not a masochist.

    I don't want a guy who hurts me. Most girls don't.
  20. Noodle

    Noodle Active Member

    Try ignoring them perhaps?, say your going to text her later or something don't reply until the next day, this might make them want you, imo it's a better solution then beating her up like most people or being said your too nice.