why is it so bad???

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by solipism79, Feb 11, 2016.

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  1. solipism79

    solipism79 Member

    For a long time now I have been keeping my feelings to myself and all the things that have happened to me in the past have been buried deep in my brain, this is fine, I may not of been the happy person on earth but I was getting on with my life. Then I was told that this was wrong and that I should talk about it all and get help dealing with it. That was 3 years ago and my life has never been worst. As a human rights researcher I heard and saw alot of things that still give me nightmares and sleepless nights,but since talking about things I now can't see any way to stop thinking about and dreaming about things. I have tried to top myself 4 times now and the fact that I failed to do it is just one more thing that I failed at.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    As a human rights researcher I can only imagine you have seen some pretty horrific things, cannot be easy to deal or cope with. But you are still here fighting, Failing to kill yourself isn't a failure, it's a blessing in disguise. You want to keep living and helping people right? I'm sure you do. Have you tried counselling, you might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I wish you only the best and hope life treats you well, and look after yourself, have faith in yourself and try to move forward. Best wishes.
     
  3. I'm so sorry that life is so hard for you right now but it will get better if you work through this pain. It may not seem like it I was where you are at I ignored so many things and was "happy" well at least I was living life. Then someone had to point out that that is not a healthy way to deal with the past and it all came rushing in to squash me. Now I had to drop out of college because life was too hard and I was failing all my classes. Now I am working on living it is hard and this past December I went to the Emergency Room twice in one weekend and once was escorted by the police. That was really low for me but I made it through and am actually starting to get better. I even got to the point of being truly happy for a couple hours. it wasn't much but each time it last longer. My war against depression is not over but right now I have a respite where I can breath. I don't know how long it will be before you get to a respite but you will get it. You can beat depression! it will take work and there are times when it is worse than now but you can do it. I have confidence in you.
     
  4. solipism79

    solipism79 Member

    But how do you know if you are depressed??? I have never been someone who understands feelings or emotions but what does depression feel like and how do I know if I am. I don't sleep but that has been a problem since I was a kid and have been to 3 sleep clinic's. I just don't understand what my life has to do with other people and how they can possibly get what is happening to me.
     
  5. there are depression checklists that you can do to see if you are depressed. You may not fit exactly into a description of depression but very few people do because we are all different and mental illnesses vary in each person. I am not an expert but to me it sounds like you are depressed but you should do a checklist to see or ask a doctor. Not everyone will understand of course especially those who have never dealt with depression or a mental illness. On here though you are likely to find someone that understands because of the wide variety of people and experiences. Keep posting on here and someone will be able to relate.
     
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