For a long time now I have been keeping my feelings to myself and all the things that have happened to me in the past have been buried deep in my brain, this is fine, I may not of been the happy person on earth but I was getting on with my life. Then I was told that this was wrong and that I should talk about it all and get help dealing with it. That was 3 years ago and my life has never been worst. As a human rights researcher I heard and saw alot of things that still give me nightmares and sleepless nights,but since talking about things I now can't see any way to stop thinking about and dreaming about things. I have tried to top myself 4 times now and the fact that I failed to do it is just one more thing that I failed at.