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Practical Advice Why is it so damn hard to stay positive?

nottheboat23

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm in a relatively good mood right now, and I'm thinking positively too. Super optimistic and it feels like this might be the "turn around" where shit starts getting better for me.

Problem is, I've seen all this shit before. I start being optimistic, I think "this is it, you're gonna get back on track" and then something bad happens and I give up. Sometimes it's a sad song that reminds me of my ex, sometimes it's something someone said, sometimes it's me feeling insecure. Whatever the reason is doesn't matter, all that matters is that the happiness never lasts. Just like that, all that positivity evaporates. Like it was never even there in the first place.

This is the first time I've become self-aware about all this. And its scaring me kinda. I really want this to be my turn around. I'm afraid that if it isn't, I might not come back out of this ditch I somehow found myself in. This past week has been the deepest depression I've ever been in, and I just came out of it. I don't want to go back to that nightmare.

What can I do or try in order to stay positive? I really don't want to drown but it's so damn tough to keep my head above the water when it floods.
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Admin
SF Author
SF Supporter
#2
I have felt similarly in the past and although I am feeling really good right now I am dubious about it. But if you don't give it a chance, you'll never know.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Oof. I get it. It's tough sometimes. My therapist always tells me that if we say things enough, our brains can start to believe them. Our brains are dumb. So like when we keep telling ourselves we're awful or stupid or whatever when we're down, we really start to believe it. So we have to use that trick against it. Try to think of things to say to yourself that are positive or hopeful or encouraging - and say them to yourself often even if it feels dumb and you don't believe what you are saying. It can help in the long run.

I also try to remind myself a lot that while it's true that the up periods are temporary, that also means so are the down ones. The bad/dark place doesn't last forever.

*hug
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
When I feel like this I just try to make the most of the good moments because there will always be tough moments but if you're talking about like a full relapse then I think its best to have meds reviewed, therapy reviewed, that kind of thing. Enjoy the good moments while they last and with some luck it is time things do improve for you altogether, I hope so anyway *hug
 

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#5
I'm in a relatively good mood right now, and I'm thinking positively too. Super optimistic and it feels like this might be the "turn around" where shit starts getting better for me.

Problem is, I've seen all this shit before. I start being optimistic, I think "this is it, you're gonna get back on track" and then something bad happens and I give up. Sometimes it's a sad song that reminds me of my ex, sometimes it's something someone said, sometimes it's me feeling insecure. Whatever the reason is doesn't matter, all that matters is that the happiness never lasts. Just like that, all that positivity evaporates. Like it was never even there in the first place.

This is the first time I've become self-aware about all this. And its scaring me kinda. I really want this to be my turn around. I'm afraid that if it isn't, I might not come back out of this ditch I somehow found myself in. This past week has been the deepest depression I've ever been in, and I just came out of it. I don't want to go back to that nightmare.

What can I do or try in order to stay positive? I really don't want to drown but it's so damn tough to keep my head above the water when it floods.
Thinking positive is a habit, the same as thinking negative. I use affirmations to change habits I don't want. But when I quit smoking it was off a few days then smoke one. On an on. I made affirmations and did them every day, it was two years of doing the affirmations before I actually never smoked again.

It takes time, but it is a form of programming your mind to think good positive thoughts. Previously to quitting cigarettes I made lists of positive thinking affirmations and said them twice every day for a year. That worked well and I still use them on occasions of high stress. My affirmations worked for me, but you can make your own list of them for yourself. If you try this let me know how it is working. I am interested and care. Love
 

nottheboat23

Well-Known Member
#6
Thinking positive is a habit, the same as thinking negative. I use affirmations to change habits I don't want. But when I quit smoking it was off a few days then smoke one. On an on. I made affirmations and did them every day, it was two years of doing the affirmations before I actually never smoked again.

It takes time, but it is a form of programming your mind to think good positive thoughts. Previously to quitting cigarettes I made lists of positive thinking affirmations and said them twice every day for a year. That worked well and I still use them on occasions of high stress. My affirmations worked for me, but you can make your own list of them for yourself. If you try this let me know how it is working. I am interested and care. Love
I dunno. I hear the positive affirmation thing all the time, but It's so incredibly hard for me. It feels so unnatural, so strange. Like I'm trying to speak some alien language. And I don't even know what to say or think as a positive affirmation. I gave a long thought about what to say as an affirmation just now and I just drew blanks. It's like there's a big fuckin barrier between my heart and mind or something. My heart really wants to say something positive but my mind won't let me.
 
Last edited:

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Admin
SF Supporter
#7
@nottheboat23 - sometimes after a string of hard times, we jump for joy for any sign of something good. We sometimes forget that life is a mix. It’s hard because we might not have a whole lot of happy times (yet) to support an ongoing sense of hope. When the down times come along, I try hard not to feel as though it’s going to be hard times forever...that I’ve had some better times, and this is just one of the little dips.

It sounds like maybe some of your hurts are still feeling very raw - I say that because you mention that even a random sad song can trigger you. Letting go of the past and getting through our losses is a process...it takes time, and it’s always good times mixed with bad times. And the memories/feelings of loss can be triggered easily until we are in space where we can see that feelings come and go as do the good and bad times.

I think from the sounds of it, you would like to feel better on a steady basis. If I might ask, are you tgriggered into feeling that the backward slide will be the end of the good times? I think that’s a reflexive response, and we have to get used to the idea that a moment of sadness, anger, whatever is not the end of the world - it’s just a bad moment.

I don’t know if I helped. *hug I hope you feel better soon. Gather up the good moments and when the hard ones come along, reassure yourself that you’ve also had some good ones, so they will come back. Be safe.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#8
With disappointments in my past I never am very positive. I strive for calmness and take things daily enjoying small things that bring some pleasing thoughts or contentment.
 

nottheboat23

Well-Known Member
#9
@nottheboat23 - sometimes after a string of hard times, we jump for joy for any sign of something good. We sometimes forget that life is a mix. It’s hard because we might not have a whole lot of happy times (yet) to support an ongoing sense of hope. When the down times come along, I try hard not to feel as though it’s going to be hard times forever...that I’ve had some better times, and this is just one of the little dips.

It sounds like maybe some of your hurts are still feeling very raw - I say that because you mention that even a random sad song can trigger you. Letting go of the past and getting through our losses is a process...it takes time, and it’s always good times mixed with bad times. And the memories/feelings of loss can be triggered easily until we are in space where we can see that feelings come and go as do the good and bad times.

I think from the sounds of it, you would like to feel better on a steady basis. If I might ask, are you tgriggered into feeling that the backward slide will be the end of the good times? I think that’s a reflexive response, and we have to get used to the idea that a moment of sadness, anger, whatever is not the end of the world - it’s just a bad moment.

I don’t know if I helped. *hug I hope you feel better soon. Gather up the good moments and when the hard ones come along, reassure yourself that you’ve also had some good ones, so they will come back. Be safe.
Well, they aren't raw wounds really, more like wounds that never got a chance to heal. Mostly due to the fact that I deal with 90% of my problems by forcing myself to forget them. This works for the most part, but they sometimes come rushing back out of nowhere.

Yes, when I'm in a bad mood I feel like its going to always be that way. I'm very shortsighted in terms of my emotions. For example, lets say I'm playing a competitive video game, and I just went on an eight game losing streak. I'll feel like shit, like a complete and total failure, even though I went on a 20 game winning streak the previous day. Or I have an unreceptive conversation with a girl and I'll feel like an uninteresting and unlovable loser, not taking into account all the previous times where me and a girl had hit it off.

Thank you for the advice and kind words.
 

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#10
I dunno. I hear the positive affirmation thing all the time, but It's so incredibly hard for me. It feels so unnatural, so strange. Like I'm trying to speak some alien language. And I don't even know what to say or think as a positive affirmation. I gave a long thought about what to say as an affirmation just now and I just drew blanks. It's like there's a big fuckin barrier between my heart and mind or something. My heart really wants to say something positive but my mind won't let me.
I understand how you feel. I was the same way, it is hard to say affirmations you don't feel. But it is not impossible. It is like Emmanuel says in my Signature. But it does work. God bless.
 

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