Why is it so hard to be "normal"?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CGMAngel, Mar 8, 2013.

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  1. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    I am finding it increasingly hard to hold onto life when life let go of me a long time ago.

    Why is it so hard to be “normal”?
    Or, perhaps what I should say is: why is it so hard to be what society DEFINES as “normal”?

    I must have been out sick the day they taught “Normal” at my school – because I sure as hell have never understood it.

    My whole life I have been surrounded by people who seem to have no problem doing what everyone else does: making friends at school, partying, enjoying their youth, growing up to get a job, buying a car, meeting someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, buying a house, having children, going to PTA meetings, having family vacations, welcoming grandchildren, retiring….

    Does anyone know how it is done? So many people are living “The Normal Life” every day, so it can’t be completely impossible. Just for me.

    It is too late for me now, but I am just curious about where I went wrong. At which point in my life did I take the left turn, when everyone else veered right? I wasn’t born alone. So what happened? One day I looked around and everyone was gone. I was alone on the left lane, and whilst I could see everyone else across the way, I could never get over there.

    I have spent my whole life on the outside looking in. I have always felt like I was standing outside a big house in the freezing rain, looking in through the window and seeing everyone else inside partying, socializing, laughing and…LIVING.
    I guess that is why my world has always seemed so lonely. Everyone else is having a blast at the party of life.

    I seem to be the only person on the planet who never received an invitation.

    Is there anyone else out there who never got their invite in the mail? Is it too late to organize a party of our own?
    Is there anyone else who believes there has GOT to be another planet out there where we might belong? It sure as hell isn’t this one.

    E.T. phone home? Wish I knew the number.
  2. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    I think many of us here feel like we never got the invite. I sure missed it.
  3. drop.the.world

    drop.the.world Active Member

    Yeah, I thought i got the memo once but apparently i've lost it. The thing is , you should never ever think other people have it perfect,because they rarely do. You might never get to see behind someone's mask, I know this because people could never see behind mine. It is hard to see everyone else apparently so driven and so focused on their lives, but this is only the bigger picture. In reality we are all struggling and fighting in 'the same hell ' but with 'different devils' . I'm glad you're here now and hopefully we will help each other get through . xx
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Well that's three of us who missed out. I still look at people in groups, with families and wonder what it must feel like to belong. One advantage of isolating is not having to pretend as much. And not having to try so bloody hard to fit in. Not to jar. When I was four or five I wrote to Santa Claus. He sent me the story of the Little Matchgirl. The one who dies if starvation and hypothermia looking through the window at happy well fed children. Do you think he was trying to tell me not to get too hopeful?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2013
  5. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Thanks for the responses, everyone. Yes, drop.the.world, I know everyone has his/her own demons that they rarely share with the world. But at least some people are living whilst fighting those "devils." The rest of us (well, I at least) are just watching the world go by....
  6. drop.the.world

    drop.the.world Active Member

    I too have reached a point where i am just watching everyone get one with their lives while i am stuck in my nonsense. But what i do know is ,since you're here, you are actually battling for your life; living. hopefully you will find more support :)
  7. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    ....and since you are here, you must be battling for your life too! Drop, don't ever give up fighting for yourself and your right to be who you want to be.

    Clearly you are wise and sensitive beyond your years. Life can be especially challenging when you are young and sensitive because that is not how young people are "supposed" to be (according to society). It is not considered "cool" to actually care about people and to be thoughtful and kind.

    And then you get older and you realize that the only thing that really does matter is to care about and support each other.

    So, as a friend always used to tell me - don't ever change.
  8. drop.the.world

    drop.the.world Active Member

    I'm trying hard not to give up on myself, if i haven't already. Thank you for your words! You know, the funny thing is this is exactly what my 'friend' told me before turning his back on me for good : 'don't ever change , i care too much about you to watch you become like everyone else'. As it turns out, it isn't enough to care about others in this world, or at least to be this involved.

    And honestly, just because everyone seems to follow a pattern doesn't make you less 'normal' Angel ! I think it actually makes you special, it makes you stand out of the crowd. No one really looks for dull, boring , unsensitive people anyway. Or at least not anyone you should be near to.
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