Why is it so hard to make friends?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by yous, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I realize the more people I try to meet, the more fake everyone and including myself has to become in order for any sort of relationship to happen for a while. Why is that? Why can't people just accept each other for who we are, and appreciate there is a least a human being there who wants to be there for you?? I mean when we all are old and dying, how many people really stick with you? And people drop each other now while things are still thriving?

    It's like they can't see any use of me. They read me as a waste of their busy time. I have gotten to know some people recently and already they give me the excuse that they are busy. Tell me this, if you are busy, and you valued my friendship, would you still try to make time for me? I thought people who like each other, would want to spend as much time as they could around each other? I really don't get people at all.
  2. whatcan

    whatcan New Member

    Hi yous,

    In today's world, it takes time to build a friendship.

    A journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step.

    Just try being friendly, and a good listener, and you'll be surprised at how many people will be attracted to you.

  3. Firelord

    Firelord Active Member

    Because to make friends you have to relate to the people out there. Depending on what type of person you are there might not be many people out there you relate to.

    I know that the majority of people out there I can relate to no better then a lion can relate to a lamb. It's why I have only one good friend. I just wish we weren't so far apart.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i too have not made any real life friends and even online it seems people come and go there is no time to connect I was told enjoy the company while it is there then when it is gone make new company meet new interesting people don't give too much of you though because when they go it seems they take a piece of you too. I am sorry you too feel alone not understanding as i often do not understand friendship as well I find it is easier to keep one safe a bit but not to isolate too much.
  5. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I try to enjoy the company of people when I am with them knowing that I will probably never see them again. But there is always an emptiness inside that they just don't care about me like I do or wish I could be of them.

    I went out to volunteer the other day, and the week before that I participated in a group project knowing no one in the group, and though I enjoyed the so-called company, I still felt lost. Everyone had someone to talk to, but I sat there watching them wishing I could have that dynamic relationship.

    I have also went out to meet a few strangers this year, and fought hard to keep that relationship by trying to do activities with them, but no matter what I always had to keep up the end of the relationship. Had I not, they would be gone forever. And now I'm exhausted from keeping it up, and I'm afraid they just don't care so now they are lost.

    It's not so much I don't have anything in common with people, its just that I don't have EVERYTHING in common with people. I mean we all like something similiar, whether it be food, music, movies, nature or whatever - you can always find something in common, but it's the 24/7 of needing to know them and even then a build up of annoyance can come from it.

    Has anyone ever kept in touch with a person more often than not ei) phone everyday or every other day emails + phone or meeting every weekend....and then the friendship turned sour because you start getting to know each other so much you or they had to distance themselves? How is this handled in order to keep a surviving friendship?

    Yeah you can say I have no idea how to keep friends or whether or not people I met see me as their friend. It's a sad social world we live in, where we build up most friendship in a fake way.
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    It's not that friendships are necessarily 'fake' - we can still care about a person without being with them 24/7 or phoning them every night, you know?
    The people you touch through your life- and make a good impression on, will have that impression of you forever.

    People are stupid. People can be pretty self centered and selfish- people's definition of 'friend' can be vastly different from you own but when you are spending time with someone; for that moment- you are friends.
    People come and go- they grow apart- they fight and make up - it's all a part of life. All a part of becoming an adult.
    Just be 'friends' with everyone and don't focus so much on keeping a group of friends close to you forever-- because it probably won't happen.

    Not to say it's impossible; but people move away and lose contact... and that also doesn't mean they will forget about you.

    So, maybe your idea of "making friends" is closer to my idea of having a best friend. I prefer not to hold one person higher than any other. I find that in the grand scheme of things- if you don't want to get hurt, it's better not to expect the world from anyone who cannot give you the world.
    You can be friends with everyone, but it takes time. Some people; longer than others.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    How you feel is completely understandable.

    You call the people you met this year 'strangers,' which might be where the problem lies. If they were friends, you'd have called them friends. It is a lonely, cold world and believe me I know what you're talking about, to the point where I prefer my own company. Like KittyGirl, when I 'socialise' I talk to everyone- but don't let many people near me. What you see in a group as an observer- can be forced on so many levels, very frustrating, very draining where a lot of people might possibly dislike the people they talk to or are friends with.

    I don't think friendship is based solely on shared interests or common ground but a passion for each other's company and a mutual respect for differences.

    If this happens, it could be because one or both of you just don't like each other for whatever reason. It can be that straightforward. If there was something worth saving, I suspect someone in this situation would make an effort to talk about what was bothering them and be interested in some kind of compromise. If there wasn't, then the relationship would eventually die while one or both of you gets frustrated and unhappy with what was going on.

    There is no point holding on to a failing relationship if you aren't happy and you feel like it's doing you no good.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2010
  8. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    The more personal things get.. The more
    Anxious it feels. Its like a human defence to not let
    It get there too fast..because it feels vulnerable...
    But this does the exact opposite in the long run.
    I know I would isolate myself if I let myself...
    I know that "coffee talk" doesn't help much
    And makes me not even want to bother with some people.
    Nothing bad about it. Just don't have the energy.
    Its not natural to force things. :/
    I don't understand friendship..I guess that's
    All I really know..I don't know how it works
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2010
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