Basically I don't know what else to do, I can feel myself planning my next overdose and I know this time I want to make it work. I have been trying to fix things for myself going to the doctors to get some meds to help the anxiety, but even then the only way I can handle this is thinking of a way out. I dont even know what triggers it, I finally spoke to my friend about me attempting last Friday all they said was I was selfish and a coward, she has no idea how much it took how alone I felt to do that. I know sometimes you need the tough love but all it makes me feel when I try to talk to anyone about it is it would be easier now just end it, I cant even face work at the moment I get there and walk in the office and panic and now I am going to be in trouble for being of. I have the docs tuesday but that is to far of its my friends birthday tonight I know I am going to drink and end up trying something when I get home. the tempation is to great but at the same time it scares me, I really have nothing and am trying.