why is it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chadaho, Feb 24, 2014.

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  1. Chadaho

    Chadaho Member

    I had what I think was a good weekend. Then why is it today I see a possible way to end it everywhere? Sitting in church I'm looking around for a plan. I don't even think I want to die right now. So why is it I'm always exploring my surroundings for possible implements of self destruction? Just in case? My girl doesn't think I'm on the right meds after seeing me this weekend. This is getting frustrating. Need to get my head together a bit better than I have it now. But at least I'm only planning instead of trying now.
     
  2. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    I would say your girl might be right. You should go back and see your doctor and try some new meds. Please be safe. If you need to talk you can message me anytime. *hugs*
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think I would explain to the Doctor how you are feeling and let you and the Doctor decide what meds are right for you rather than a 3rd party without medical training that is also not feeling what you are feeling. If you were actively suicidal before and now just thinking about things but not planning and do not feel compelled to make an attempt I would say that it is very possible the meds are doing exactly what they should do. There is no pill that will make you erase thoughts from your mind and thinking about a method if there is no action or reaction or intent is nothing but an idle thought. I have sat in meetings and places where mind wanders and I may think about anything from a method, vacations in tahiti, to robbing the bank across the street - none of which are going to happen. If you spent a long period of time being suicidal and that is where your mind drifts , but in a reflective as opposed to intent and dark despair then it is just a habit for filling times of mental boredom. The only thing that will replace those thoughts are long periods of time thinking about other things than suicide. Conditioned thought processes take time to change people getting out of the military often find conditioned processes of looking for cover and exits and points of danger persist for months or years. Until you have different thought processes conditioned in your mind will not change greatly. Discuss with your Dr but do not assume that there is "something wrong" because you are on meds and did not forget entirely about the past months or possibly years of conditioned thoughts.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to echo what NYJmpMaster posted; I think it's important to talk to your doctor, tell him what you're thinking and feeling. When you've felt a certain way for a long time, had specific thoughts going through your head, they're not just going to go away overnight. But there's a difference between thinking about something, and wanting to act on it.
     
  5. fallen2far

    fallen2far Member

    Sometimes it's an excercise. When i do it, i know I've lived with the feeling of self destruction so long, it's engrained in me.

    From a philosophical standpoint, my brain is split between my emotional imbalance and my logical analysis. I feel the pain of life and want to kill myself, then the logical side tells me how I'll do it. So, while the medication to balance the emotional side would be helped with medication, the logical part of the brain isn't effected and is still making the connections. Then, when you find yourself thinking this way you begin to feel depressed again.

    Definitely still talk to a doctor. I'd also try picking up something up to excercise your logical mind..... I dont know, like crosswords. Or crafting?
     
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