Why is it that people are not there when you need them? Why do they not care? Why can they not see my pain? Why can they not understand that if ever came a time in my life that i needed someone that it was now? How can i go on knowing i am alone. knowing i am unloved, knowing not one person that i have felt close to is here for me? They never cared. Why is it that i was never loved? Why is it that there are many more just like me that have never been loved. that are alone and hurting? How come i have to be the one who got this way? How come i had to end up with cancer? is it because of my past? Why can no one see that i need someone? Why can no one understand my pain, my loneleness,? do they think by rejecting me and ignoring me it will help me? Why cant they see it is killing me. killing me with a force i can not stop. a pain that is unbearable. A pain that will not end. i have lost all hope in love. a love of any kind because i have no love. i never had any love. They say it is evil . well you combat evil with love do you not? then why wont they love me to kill this evil? Why can i not be loved? Why am i the person who has to endure pain and endure being alone? Why did i screw up my life? my life is wasted. my will to live is gone. why could i not have died on my last attempt? Why bring me back to endure all this pain again? The church critized for trying to take my life. they never could forgive me so why the hell am i still here? They hurt me. they hurt me with their pretend love for me. you do not love someone then walk out of their life. that is not love. never has been love. i got accused of being obsessed with them. God why could they not see througfh their own minds and into my true heart. why could they not see it had nothing to do with obsession? Why could they not see they meant everything to me? Why could they not see they hurt me? why can they not see me hurting now? why can they not understand me? i had no one. i basically had no one and then they came along and now i lost them. i hurt them. God i hurt them and i tried i really tried to get them to just forgive me. to just be a friend to me because they meant everything to me but they want nothing to do with me. i did it. i screwed it all up because i wanted more love then they were willing to give. i drove them away. i hurt them. i drove them from me and now i deserve nothing. i deserve not to live. i cant go on. i am useless. no one is there to stop me anymore. why did i have to do this? why could i not see that no one could ever truly love me? why could i not see that i can never be loved. they pretended but my love was real. God i can not go on. i just can not endure anymore of this pain. why could they not love me? why could they not be there when i really needed them the most. they dont understand this pain i am in. i doubt they believe it. why can i not accept that they never loved me? why do this to me? why give me this pain? why give me cancer? why? God why?