Why is my family so mean to me?

[Crookshanks]

I don't know why, but almost my whole family acts as if they hate me.

My Mom constantly says she hates me, but treats me like a daughter the next day. It doesn't help that she drinks, which may be the main factor since she acts like herself when she is sober. But she has had her days when she was mean when she was sober.

My grandma only gets especially mean when she drinks, so again the drinking factor. My uncle just absolutely hates me because I can't see things his way and support him even though he is on one of the most destructive path's I've ever seen.

They call me useless, tell me I don't know anything because of how old I am. They say I don't do anything for this family and only care for myself. But they are wrong, I've sacrificed so much for them. I don't even have any more friends coming over because I am just so afraid of them seeing what I have to deal with or them getting insulted themselves. My Mom and Grandma make fun of the friends I have online, of whom has been more supportive of me than my own family.

I just don't understand. I mean, I stand up for myself, maybe I might be a bit too bossy? I get horribly overwhelmed when people start screaming and I guess that just triggers something in me that wants to prove them wrong but also defend myself. But isn't that a natural reaction?

My grandma blames the Anti-Depressants that I use for the way that I am expressing myself. But that just isn't it! I am getting so sick and tired of people constantly downgrading me. I do it so much to myself, so I don't need it from them! And when I do stand up and point out their faults, they call me psychotic, crazy and that I need mental help.

Do I? Because at this point, I don't even know anymore.

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this Crookshanks

It's pretty common for families to be dysfunctional. Alcohol and drugs just seem to crank up the level of dysfunction too.

maybe I might be a bit too bossy?

If you are being insulted and having accusations made against you, standing up to it sounds healthy to me

And when I do stand up and point out their faults, they call me psychotic, crazy and that I need mental help

It sounds like they want to live in denial of their own faults, so they automatically go on the attack if anyone calls them out

I'm not sure there's any remedy for this other than to get out of that environment. It would be great if they could change their ways and give up the drinking, but you can't really make anyone make that change if they don't want to, and all too often, alcoholics never give up drinking

I'm sorry you had to grow up in a home like that

 

[Crookshanks]

I wish it were that easy to be honest? I want to leave but I can't. I couldn't live with myself if I left my baby brother in this mess and the fact that I still love my Grandmother and Mom with all my heart leaves me at a horrible predicament.

 

[may71]

Yeah, that's true.

We could try to brainstorm some possible solutions. I don't know if that would produce any solutions, but it might be worth a try.

You may not necessarily want that though, which is ok

If your mom would be willing to go to family therapy, that might be good, but she might not be willing to.

 

[Petal]

I think this saying is very true '' you don't have to have a bruise to be abused''. Emotional abuse can be equally as bad as physical abuse, maybe even more, sometimes its something that just doesn't leave you.

You're 19. Are you in school/working? No one should be put down because of their age, we all have mental health, every single person, it just depends on how good or how bad.

I think it would be wise for you to see about moving out of your home and getting away from the abuse and negativity? What usually helps you when you are feeling like this? I think it would also be a good idea to see a doctor about getting anti depressants and to be evaluated. You're not crazy, you're just struggling and there is no shame in admitting you need help.

Best wishes.

 

[Walker]

Sometimes "family" is toxic as hell & you're better off without them. You've got to decide for yourself if that's the case.