Why is my life so fucked up?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by tiggerlife, May 22, 2009.

  1. tiggerlife

    tiggerlife New Member

    I just don't get it.

    This time last year, I had a partner who I thought loved me, I had a family. Now I have fucking nothing. I have less than nothing. I have a house full of shit and memories surrounding me. I have someone who doesn't give a shit about me, only himself. I'm sat here, drinking myself fucking stupid, taking diazepam to feel "good" for a night and even that doesn't work now.

    I'm thick too. I have a job. No one there trusts me to do anything, because I'm so thick. I'm scared. I have no future, no reason to care less about anything. Why am I even bothering to continue completely baffles me. I'm sat here, alone, with no fucking future, no career, I don't see the point.

    Give me a reason. Why am I doing this every day? What for? What's my aim? Where's the goal? Don't other people feel like this?

    I just want to die. I want to die, and it be over. I can't be the only person in the world who feels like this.
     
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I feel the exact same. And the fact that it is so painful and hard to kill yourself physically. I think the one thing why your alive is that small strand of hope that you know is there but hate to see. hope you find your way.
     
  3. tiggerlife

    tiggerlife New Member

    The line between actually overdosing and staying within limits is thinning day by day, moment by moment...

    I hate what I've become. I'm a monster of a person. I've become unable to love, unable to care about others. People try and love me, and I shoot them down, or hurt them.

    I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

    I had a perfect life, and I flushed it down the toilet.
     
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Whether you had a "perfect" life, or a good life, or a decent life or a life that you don't find too good anymore, you can rebuild and still have what you had, or at least a life with many, many good times.

    And...you are most definitely not alone as there have been thousands to come to SF and hundreds still quite active to assist you and talk to you and be friends with you and be there for you when you need us...like now!!

    Please stick around awhile and see! There are so many caring and fun and interesting people here from whom you can get some great feedback.:welcome:
     
  5. tiggerlife

    tiggerlife New Member

    Thanks for the reply... it means something to me that you even bothered to reply to such a washed out useless person that I am...

    I just feel like I cannot love. I loved, and got my heart trampled on in the worst way possible.

    I feel like running away, perhaps a holiday would do me good short term, but long term I will just feel awful again... I know it.

    I don't see a longer term resolution to this feeling... I just don't...

    Well there is one solution....
     
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    There is that solution. But that solution will cause so much pain and extreme agony for the ones who love you. And there are people that love you.

    Your family for example.

    You are a kindred spirit. I once felt the same way you do now. I thought I could never love again. I thought that once my "perfect life" was thrown away, that there was nothing left.

    But you know something. I may still cry out in pain some days. I may still feel the urge to harm myself on some days.....but I remember my family. My friends. The people here, who have helped me sooooooooo much. And I now feel the need to help others.

    And...I now want to love again. I look forward with great anticipation, for that day when I fall in love again.

    I understand the risks. But I am willing to take them. We are not meant to be alone.

    And until that day comes, I will find solace and safety and friendship and love, here!

    You can too.

    There is great love here. And here is understanding.

    Stay safe my friend!