why is my love not enough

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by undercoverlover, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover both dead and alive until somebody opens the box

    my girlfriend is upset and i try to comfort her, nothing works, shes not responding, so i just message "i love you". and she says "but that wont make me thin and pretty". i broke down crying, why cant she see shes pretty why doesnt she understand that she doesnt need to be thin, why is my love expected to be something to magically make her thin, why isnt it enough to make her happy
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I sometimes feel that no matter how much someone cares about me, I will always hate myself. So I know how hard it can be when someone you love says such bad things about themselves. Keep being supportive and there for her, and try not to be so hard on yourself :hug:
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Loving someone is not enough to change how they feel. You need to be more patient, and maybe find out what she wants to be/do with herself/her life. Once you establish that, you can work together to help her overcome her self-loathing, by encouraging her to just think/be herself.

    Witty's right.

  4. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Just be supportive and help when she's low and self loathing.
  5. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    You can't change how someone else feels about themselves, not by loving them, reassuring them, or anything else. She needs to seek professional help on her own, and work on her own self esteem, etc. This isn't something you can do for her. You can't fix her, no matter how much you care, or try.

    Stay supportive, but understand that ultimately whether or not she is happy is up to her, and her alone.
  6. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    I doubt that she expects your love to make her thin and when she's in a better place your love probably helps to keep her going. The problem with self-loathing, at least for me, is that I can't see/believe others could possibly care, like, love me. In the throes of it kindness makes me cry because I expect others to hate and judge me as much as I do myself. I can't do any of those kind things for myself, I have nothing to give - why would anyone want to give to me? It doesn't necessarily make any sense. It's my abyss pulling me deeper into its embrace.

    Knowing someone is there, that they'll not run from what I see as my needy, putrid self, helps. It just takes time and that's probably hardest on you because you want to help her see she's beautiful and your heart's treasure. Sometimes the best support is the willingness to just be with and when she's ready be available for lots of gentle hugs. ♥

    Know that it is not you that brings the responses, it's the sl. Be kind to yourself as you are to her.

    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2013