What is she hoping to acheive by dragging up the past?:unsure: Is she hoping to break me down again so she has complete control over me? IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK! Last night I was talking to a really good friend (A true friend) one I can open upto, but yet I was terrified of speaking. That was your fault and YOURS alone for saying what you did. I was exhausted last night so signed off MSN a LOT earlier than usual but yet didn't get to sleep until 10AM this morning so yet again YOU won. I was thinking about YOU wondering what I had done to make you turn like the rest. You PROMISED both of us you would get rest and stop trying to "help" but yet you was still talking to us both. Rubbing one off against the other in my eyes. TRYING to make me lose trust. Why? You said a few times last night that you was "sorry" and "loved me very much" but yet you still do it? WHY? I trusted you. Yes thats right TRUSTED you (notice past tense) and you let me down just like everyone else. You let me down. Not the other person. You. Please, I still care about you and you are still a really important person in my life but please just leave me alone. No, not forever just until your okay again. I'm close to breaking point and right now, I don't care what happens to me and that is wrong. I had got past all this, I could talk and not just go "mm" and "k" but now I'm finding out I'm sinking more. Your saying I'm the one putting strain on this person but technically it's you. IF you had not told me I was everything would be like it used to be and they wouldn't be getting stressed and upset because I am sinking and bottling. So yes I figured that out during my sleepless night. Thats you too. Everyone else has a string that controls my life. You and the others. I'm taking them strings back, it's my life (if thats what you can call it) and I want it back. I'm never going to get rid of the memories and I wont get rid of the trust issues completely BUT I'm going to work on it. I'm going to do the one thing I have never done before and ask for help. That thought terrifies me but I'm going to do it. I figured all this out while I was "mulling" things over during my sleepless night. So thank you, in trying to destroy my trust in this person you made me realise that at least ONE person (not you) in my life will hopefully be willing to help me. That maybe I can tell them everything I fear,remember and the rest and they will not spread it round or use it against me. So yes, once again, I'm not angry at you. Anger doesn't solve anything. I'm not upset at you, why should I be, it was all the truth. I'm greatful to you. You have shown me that I have to be more careful and wary of people with my trust but also shown me I can trust people who will be there true the thick and thin. So thank you. Rest well chick and speak soon. I Love You.