Why Is talking about suicide sometimes "inconsiderate"??

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by objectsinmirrors, Sep 19, 2011.

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  1. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    not understanding the answer to the question is creating conflict in my life, so i'd appreciate some responses. it is not my intention to attack anyone. but i really really don't get this. this issue started in another webforum, but i am very puzzled by it and wanted to get some feedback here since this specifically relates to suicide.

    Yesterday on a different webforum on my blog there i posted a very short entry not directed at anyone in particular in which i expressed anger because i felt hurt by a bunch of different people in the world, and felt in my rage and my paranoia that those people enjoy seeing me suffer and therefore would enjoy seeing me die, and in a pretty up front way threatened to kill myself because i said to the generalization of people to whom the thread was directed that they would enjoy it. it was a short and very emotion packed post for me, and as i now know from feed back, for other people as well. I was pm-ed by someone on that forum and was told basically that this post scared them, and that they wish i was more "considerate" to the people who read my blog, and wouldn't focus so much on people who bother me. (i have been having conflicts with people on the other forum and have been talking in my blog a lot about my anger around those conflicts and feeling hurt by those people)

    This is far from the first time i have been told by someone that my expression of my suicidality was "inconsiderate" i have basically understood that people sometimes feel that the way some people (including me) express their suicidality at times is selfish or manipulative or something of that sort. It actually came up in therapy today, that the way i was expressing my suicidality to my therapist was not "okay". I really truly do not understand why that post or the way anyone who talks plainly about their suicidality is inconsiderate, selfish, manipualtive, not okay, etc etc.

    (((((i'm going to use "you" in this next part because i copied most of my response to that specific person's pm, but for this thread the "you" means people who have this belief in general.)))))

    My blog is a place for me to express what i need to express. That was the way i was thinking and feeling last night, and if it is my blog and not your blog on which i am expressing it, and i am not threatening other people, then i am having trouble understanding why it is inconsiderate of me to express what i did.

    I understand that it scared you, which i assume is because you felt i was threatening myself, which i was. is that why it was inconsiderate? because it was scary or emotion provoking for people reading it? this actually came up in real life for me today and i really do not understand this concept. because i don't think being honest about my emotional state and that scaring people is something that is inconsiderate. suicide is scary. i was in real danger last night and tonight and other recent nights of taking actions which could end my life. and hearing that someone is very seriously thinking about killing themselves is emotional. does that mean that i should keep how seriously i am considering suicide to myself and not tell anyone? because i dont want other people to feel emotional?

    I honestly don't know if that was what you were trying to say. if it was, i know you are far from the only person in the world who feels that if one's thoughts or emotions would stress other people out it is selfish to tell anyone but a mental health professional about it, and sometimes is even selfish to tell a therapist or doctor. can you please explain to me why people think that being up front about suicidal thoughts or plans is at times selfish? i really really dont get it. because to me, yeah, it can be stressful to hear someone is thinking about hurting themselves, and i have been in that situation in real life multiple times where i knew someone was suicidal and i felt scared. but me being scared doesn't mean i want them to stop telling me they are suicidal. i want to help them stay alive! just because its scary doesn't mean they are inconsiderate for not wanting to be alone with their thoughts and plans. it wasn't their intention to scare me. it was their intention probably to feel less alone.

    if when someone tells me they are suicidal i am unable to help them for whatever reason, i openly tell them that i am sorry they are struggling, but that i can't help them and point them in the direction of someone who can. that doesn't make them inconsiderate because they asked for help and i couldnt help them. how could they know i couldn't help them until they asked? if you feel unable to support someone who may be struggling with suicide, or unable to read about it even, then why would you read my thread when you know i talk about suicide? its not like i knew you weren't in a place to hear about suicide and then i specifically sought you out and told you i'm suicidal anyway. i think that would be somewhat inconsiderate.i wrote in my blog, and you came on my blog and read it. i didn't ask you to read it. you chose to on your own accord. if it would have been better for me to write in big letters at the beginning of the post "WARNING TRIGGERING FOR SUICIDE" okay, i can think about doing that. but other wise (And really, i'm not just trying to be difficult) i do not at all understand how what i did was inconsiderate in any way.

    ((((This next part may be unrelated. i don't know if focusing more on people who hurt me than people who help me on my blog on the other webforum is part of my inconsideration. so feel free to ignore this bit if it is unrelated to the majority of this post)))))

    to comment on what you said about why do people who bother me deserve more attention than people who care: they dont "Deserve" it. but to me that is like asking "why are you spending so much time talking about something that made you want to kill yourself when you have all these good things in your life you could live for?" well. i am talking about it because it is hard to see the good things when something is making you want to die. i am talking about what is making me want to die because it is a problem and i am trying to process it and figure out how to make it less of a problem. i think its kind of natural for people who are in a lot of pain because they broke their arm to be talking about how much their arm hurts instead of how their back feels good. the pain absorbs more attention when it is really strong. of course it would be better to be able to ignore the pain and focus on how good my back feels. but its not that easy.

    It really wasn't my intention to be inconsiderate towards anyone or to offend anyone. it was my intention to talk about something that was causing me a lot of pain because talking about it can help me feel less alone. i do not get why some of the ways i express i am suicidal are ok and some of them are not to other people. i do not understand why some of the ways i express i am suicidal are considerate and some of them are not. i am baffled. so, please, without attacking me, because it seems i am ignorant to some unspoken rule about expressing suicidality and that is not because i am intending to be ignorant or difficult, can someone PLEASE explain what is so obvious to other people and i am blind to???

    Thanks.
    OIM
     
  2. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism


    :grr: That happens to me a lot too, I mean IRL people can't deal with depressing stuff... depression is really just realism, I mean, not blinding yourself from the duality of misery and happiness that exists everywhere. They've done studies that found depressed people actually have a more realistic view of the world... that's in the link up there ^ But I agree it's not so great to be called inconsiderate or selfish or manipulative when you're just being honest.

    Also, when people say you're inconsiderate for expressing your suicidality, that really speaks to their own response to it... I think you're right, that your own expression of pain and openness about it is maybe just something people don't want to apply to their own lives. Lots of people just flat out see suicide as a crazy idea and don't want to think about it or be reminded that maybe it could be them in that situation.

    Anyways.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Back in the old days talking about it was tabboo..You would end up in a state hospital for the insane..Juts in the last twenty to thirty years people have started to come out in the open..But alas to most people who don't understand it ,it is still tabboo..I tried another website and talked about my depression and more and was kindly asked to leave.. It was a bunch of bible thumpers and they didn't want people like me on there forum.. So I stick with SF.. At lleast I have friends here and know that others care..There are alot of screwed up people out there..
     
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    People prefer to think of the world as generally a happy place. When you talk about suicide, it jars them and upsets them. Then they strike out to try to get you to stop.

    It sucks. It really does. If suicide wasn't swept under the carpet, the world would be a much better place for us. We could say "I'm depressed" like people say "I have MS"
     
  5. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member



    you know- i think you're right

    1 experience i had was when i mentioned it to this particular person, and his initial reaction was 1 of hatred towards me.

    not really something i need.
     
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