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Why is this even bothering me?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cloud9, Mar 1, 2010.

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  1. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    So I had a bit of an unproductive weekend......that's okay considering the circumstances. Came off a tough week of midterms Needless to say, those were somesleepless nights lol. My housemate, Jake, also had his birthday this weekend so we decided to hold him a surprise birthday. It was one of my other housemate's ideas.

    So the birthday party was yesterday during the evening. My housemate and I were in charge of taking Jake outta the house. We found ways to kill some time so that everyone could get the chance to come over at our house and setup.

    When we got home, it was obviously quiet. My other roommate was in the kitchen just washing dishes. It was perfect, everyone, like 15 to 20 people were hiding in Jake's room. He always goes straight to his room when we get home so he opened the door and surpriseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol. It was pretty good and he was shocked. He was also greeted by a cool baked cake with lots of yummy frosting.

    Anyways right after his happy birthday song was finished, they brought another cake and were singing again. This cake was meant for me. My birthday happens to be this week too.

    I mean I should be super excited right? Strangely I wasn't. I was sort of half-expecting this because the perfect time to do a birthday cake cutting with so many people around would have been jake's birthday party? I just felt they were stealing his show, not that it really took away from much of it. He got lots of gifts and a lot of his friends were there. Our mutual friends were there and I didn't receive any gifts. I just sort of feel like it was a last minute addition. Like oh my birthday is coming up soon, we might as well add my cake in too. I'm being ungrateful aren't I? Like why am I just glossing over the positive? The fact is they did get a cake for me, right?

    I sort of feel a little under the water, because his cake was baked and it seems a lot of effort went into making it. They didn't buy his cake. Mine was just bought. Could've been done an hour before I showed up. I dunno, I just feel.........like I shouldn't be feeling like I am right now.

    Anyways what's more is the girl I really like didn't bother to show up for the surprise part of the evening. I guess she couldn't have really known that we did my cake cutting too. Or maybe she just really didn't care which is a depressing possibility. I don't think we even talked at all during the evening. Not a feel good evening for me that's for sure.

    Evening was good, but I can't really shake this unsatisfying feeling about the night. I'm just being awfully ungrateful right?
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're being ungrateful, but you do sound conflicted.

    On one hand you felt like they were stealing his show, so it would have been better if they had done nothing on that night, but then on the other hand you wish they had done more. That's quite a hard place to be because it sounds like they couldn't do right for doing wrong. I struggle with conflicts like those and its hard, its almost like heart vs head. I would imagine your head was saying 'it's Jake night' and your heart was saying 'why didn't you do more for me'.

    Have you thought about doing something for you exclusively? It wouldn't be a surprise, but you could make it whatever you wanted and know that everyone there was for you.
  3. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    is it that you are feeling like they sort of didn't invest the same amount of care and attention for you as you and your house mates did for Jake?

    i agree. that it was Jake's night but it was a bit awkward to just mush your cake in there too. and there is then the question of whether or not there will any kind of celebration on you actual birthday. and i can even see that it might have been okay with you if they hadn't done anything at all but to give it to you as a sort of last minute thing feels a bit compromising

    in another hand, they did remeber you and that is a very nice thing.

    i can understand if you might be feeling a bit contrary
  4. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I didn't really plan on doing anything exclusively for me. A lot of people have birthdays sort of around mine so I don't want people to be partied out. Besides lots of assignments etc. will be due soon so I dunno if there's really time to fit it.

    I think I do feel or wish that they had done a bit more for me. I realize that's kind of selfish, but can't help it. I dunno if there will be any celebration on my birthday, but I know I shouldn't expect one and definitely shouldn't request or pressure others to do the same.

    Anyways they did get me something so that's the important thing.
  5. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    i think i understand a little bit. it's painfull when the effort offered is less than what you might do for them.

    and sometimes when i watch other people having fun or being with a happy family i feel so left out and that refreshes all the old pains.

    it's a tiny bit of a self esteem issue too.
    You deserve a big happy fuss made over you, and joy and all the good things.
    asking isn't good since if you have to ask it never feels freely given but you deserve it anyway. Can you plan something for your self?

    i sometimes make a back up plan, for when my family and friends forget my birthday, i promise myself a new book and an overpriced coffee eveing, or a new coloring book and crayons.

    is there some thing you've been wanting to have or do?
    It'll be your birthday, you do get to indulge yourself a bit :)
  6. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    You're thinking of yourself as an isolated entity, a group of people make an entity of their own...

    Is like going on a car trip if one person has to go might as well all go, or grab some snacks, to make the ride smoother and whatnot. Besides how lazy do things get sometimes...

    Maybe you could appeal to everyone's sense of equality and demand that they implement the same amount of though into a celebration of your own. Is your birthday and you demand it. Besides it is with the spirit of celebration that one should celebrate what is to be celebrated heh

    have a good one :bday:
  7. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    It did get better....I just had dinner last night at a restaurant with all my friends. It brought a smile to my face. I enjoyed it. Friends gave me gifts which also made me happy. I was just overreacting, overthinking as usual.
  8. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    i am so pleased for you rfcmvp. it's good to know you are appreciated by your friends.
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