I am in so much pain. I feel like I'm 90 years old and have arthritis or something. At least most people don't get these aches and pains until they're about ready to kick the bucket anyway. I have my whole life ahead of me. I might have to get a hysterectomy. I'm 24! I don't want to be in menopause at this age, I have so much life ahead of me. Is it ever going to get better, or will it keep on getting worse? This is why I feel like I'm destined to die at a young age. Who wants to live like this? I wish I had a crystal ball or something that would tell me my future will not be as dark as my present/past. Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and give up. Something is keeping me here, though. Something. I don't know what it is. There is still something amazing and miraculous about life, even when it sucks. Just the idea that I have an animated body that I can use to do things. The fact that I look in the mirror and I can see a physical form that represents all these incredibly complex thoughts I have in my head. There's something fundamentally amazing about that. Do you ever slow down and take a step back and marvel at something? Like, the fact that a huge tree grows out of a tiny seed? Or that we now have things the size of notebooks that contain all the wealth of information the internet has to offer? I guess I think about life like that. There's something really cool about the sheer fact of being alive. We have choices, we create our own destiny. I'm not predestined to kill myself. I'm the captain of this ship and it's going to go where I tell it to go. Bring on the rough waters, bring on the storms. Challenge me. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.