why is this happening to me?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    why? why cant i be normal? why does it always come back to haunt me? Why can't I stop thinking about death, and how much better it would be to not exist????????

    why do i WANT to hurt myself so badly? if they are just thoughts, then no one takes me seriously, if I act on them, then maybe someone will see that they should have done something about the thoughts before i was dead.... angry, resentful and longing to die right now.
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    dammit - we both shouldn't be feeling this shitty - the universe sucks

    i always take you seriously - and i'm sorry that i haven't been there for you

    but hey, i'm awake and misery loves company so talk to me, PM me if you want

    maybe we can distract each other

    i won't let you be alone right now
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you told anyone about your thoughts?

    Also, 'normal' doesn't really exist because everyone is different, but I completely hear that you don't want to be feeling the way you do and having the thoughts you do.
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    who should I tell? Telling just scares people.
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It may scare people, but if it does it willk be because they care and don't want to see you hurting as you are.

    Any family you trust? Friends? Ideally professionals? A doctor? therapist?
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    yes, i have a doctor i trust. I just cant bring myself to tell him. And deep down, i wish someone else would do it, i feel so ashamed of feeling this way...again.
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Why do you feel ashamed?

    It can often be easier to hope that someone else can do it, but for that someone else would need to know, and no one knows better than you. If you don't feel able to speak the words could you write out what is going on for you? or wat you're struggling with? Or maybe even just print out the first post in this thread and show him?
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i dont know if I can tell him, thats the thing about wanting to die, you really start believing no one can help you, so why bother telling them, hell, i cant even help myself right now, its pointless. I am just going to listen to my heart, and end the pain, its really the only solution.
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If he really can't help you, then you lose absolutely nothing by telling him, because, at worst, he will just agree with you, however, potentially he could offer you things that could improve the situation and how you feel.

    (by the way, I know how it feels to want to die, so please don't think I don't).
  10. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    If i tell him, and he really cant help, i fear that will push me over the edge, all that disappointment will just fuel me into action. I dont think I could take another let down and not have it destroy me. Any further evidence that dying is the right decision will just hasten the process, which i suppose is not a bad thing. Maybe telling him will give me the courage I need to actually kill myself.
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Doctors vary rarely say they can't help, and if they get to that stage, it is because they have exhausted everything else first (or else they are shit, but I'm sure that's not the case here because you trust this one). Sometimes it can even help to tell them how you feel, and what you feel you need from him. It sounds at the very least, like you need some hope. I would think that any decent doctor could give you that.
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