It's been a long time since I've been active on this forum. A lot has happened and I thought I was fine. Lately I've been drinking a lot. Alone mostly. And I don't know why. I can't stop thinking about the knives in my apartment either. It's been years since I last hurt myself but I want to. I feel like it's a constant fight not to. Every single day I'm thinking about ending it all. I'm so sad all the time and I don't have anyone. I plan it all the time. If I just killed myself now, who would care? Who would know? I don't know what to do with myself.