Why is this happening?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CamillaR, Apr 19, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. CamillaR

    CamillaR Active Member

    It's been a long time since I've been active on this forum. A lot has happened and I thought I was fine.

    Lately I've been drinking a lot. Alone mostly. And I don't know why. I can't stop thinking about the knives in my apartment either. It's been years since I last hurt myself but I want to. I feel like it's a constant fight not to.

    Every single day I'm thinking about ending it all. I'm so sad all the time and I don't have anyone. I plan it all the time. If I just killed myself now, who would care? Who would know?

    I don't know what to do with myself.
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry you're going through this - the pain and the intrusive thoughts. Has anything changed in your life that caused you to start drinking alone to self-medicate? If you can't ID anything, it is possible that you are prone to recurrent episodes of endogenous depression, in which case it is hard to point to any one thing responsible. Either way, it seems a round with some anti-depressants might be helpful. If you're already taking them, maybe it is time for a change. Alcohol actually makes my depression worse, so it is very easy with this stuff to get caught in a downward spiral, in my experience. If you can cut back, or quit entirely, that might be another step forward.

    It also sounds like you might be feeling pretty socially isolated right now, so that certainly can't help. Is there anything you can do about that? Get out more in real life, or post more on line? Reaching out here is a good thing, I hope you keep posting.
  3. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Stop drinking for a start. Go to your gp and get some meds. Try and get in contact with a psycho-therapist or councilor to at least talk about why, what and how etc. I appreciate you are in agony and are tormented but just take it one day at time or one minute at a time if necessary. You got through this before, at this point all one can do is exist. Are you reading any books on suicide or mental health, there are some good youtube vids:



    I don't know if you pray, which is something I find incredibly reassuring and helpful if so:


    If not all the very best.
  4. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I know the similar trap drinking feels good at the time but it's a negative result in the end
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.