why is this so bad?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jake.x.99, Jan 20, 2016.

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  1. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    i know i'm coming to the end. i'm finishing, as best i can, the few things i have left to do. i am trying to do what i can to explain this decision to my kids, and to make sure that everything is as easy for them as possible. the thing that i'm still struggling with most of all, though, is how this will affect them in the long run. the few people i have talked to about this try to convince me that my suicide will have disastrous consequences on them. they tell me about how they would feel if their fathers killed themselves. they tell me about statistics that suggest that children of parents who kill themselves are more likely themselves to consider suicide. i'm sure there is validity to all of this, but i am also sure that people react differently to things based on lots of variables and on their unique situation. why can't it be possible that my kids will adjust to this just fine? why isn't it possible that they will understand why this is the right decision? or maybe they'll just hate me for doing this and never think about me again . . . i'd be perfectly happy with that result, too. how can anyone be sure that my death is going to be a horrible thing that they will never be able to deal with?
     
  2. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Until you have lived through someone's suicide, you could never understand how deeply it will impact your family/children. I have not firsthand but I did witness it with two close friends. It completely impacted and, at least for one and I also suspect the other, continues to impact them to this day and both suicides occurred years ago. If you are a gambling man, you can roll that dice....just be sure you know that the deck is stacked against your kids. As long as you are fine placing them in that precarious place and HOPING they see it as the right decision or hate you, then no worries for you. But the fact you ARE questioning this tells me that you are not fine with that and I pray you hang onto that sliver of doubt and climb yourself out of this deep place.
     
  3. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    thanks Sofie, but i still think there are lots of variables that affect how any person deals with the suicide of someone in their lives. i appreciate that your friends who have been through this have struggled greatly, and i am sincerely sorry for that -- it is not fair that something like that was thrust on them. but in my case, my relationship with my kids is such that i don't honestly think my death will change their lives in any meaningful way; i don't think it has the impact on them that it had on your friends. and the way that each person deals with a "crisis" situation varies and will affect how, if at all, they are impacted by an unexpected death. i have some level of confidence that my kids will be upset initially, but will get over that quickly and move on. I've seen how they deal with other things. they tend to be pretty practical, for the most part. i appreciate your thoughts, but i have to believe that this will not really alter their lives in a bad way.
     
  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    You are involved in your children's lives, at least two of them, DAILY. The impact will be severe....the question is how long the repercussions will last...again, gamble with your children's future mental and physical health if you truly believe it to be worth the possible cost..which is their own future suicide. Think about that....if just ONE of your children does it....is it worth it?
     
  5. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    i'm not involved in any meaningful way . . . i do more harm than good when i try to be involved. i just do not believe that this is going to have any real impact, and especially not on their physical or mental health.
     
  6. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I call BS -- you described evenings with your kids to me....you are involved in meaningful ways. Plus, impact of suicide is regardless of whether the parent is a "good" parent so even if you were the WORST parent ever, you are still gambling with your kids futures.
     
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