Why is this so hard?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Marshmallow, Jan 22, 2007.

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  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I want to be able to shut myself off from people. Completely. Just disappear off the face of the planet. Thats the only thing i want to be able to do but i can't because i gotta be there for other people. Im caught in the middle and i cant get out. I told someone i wouldn't die. The things is right now i do wanna die. I wanna die so damn badly! really realy really badly :sad: I just wanna go through with my plan. Absolutely no one knows about my plan. No one ever will. How the hell can i tell someone over and over that im not gonna die and want to so damn badly. How pathetic does that make me? I care about people here so much. I know how much certain people were hurt by suicide and deaths of people. But a part of me just feels like one day i will just flip out as per usual and go through with it.

    The last week i've speant most of my time in my room. In bed. In the dark. Sometimes talking to people. Other times just sitting there, staring, thinking. Wondering how i shouldn't be here. How bloody pathetic is that. I've got an essay due in tomorrow and its taken me nearly an hour to write one sentence. Thats how bad i can't concentrate. Im so tired. But i sleep all day. and then another one for wednesday. and then another 2 that we're due in liek 2 weeks ago. and then another that i failed that i need to correct. Sooo yeah basically im SCREWED. I wanna quit so damn badly because i cant take the stress anymore.

    There aint no point anymore. Im seriously considering my existence on this planet right now.
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Vikki, you've been telling me over and over again that you wouldnt die. Well you have to stick to that. Not just for me, but for everyone and most of all for YOURSELF. Right now things are so hard on you, I know. College stressing you out and other things as well. But you have to stay strong, cos you CAN stay strong. I know you can. And I have faith in you, and with me many others.

    Stay strong viks, you can do it. :arms: :hug: :arms:

  3. blub

    blub Guest

    You calling my life pathetic :eek:hmy: . Nah I have the same, but for somewhat longer and its kinda pathetic, but I guess everyone feels like that from time to time :smile:

    Ah yeah the stress, having that too lately :dry: Giving up :dry: sounds so good, probly wont make it anyway. But you should try and I should try, do our best :hug: Anyway, if you need some help, I dont mind to help you. Not that my english is good. I can make a dutch one, lol. sorry >< anyway I really wouldnt mind helping you.

    Try not to stress to much, because it wont help, just a waste of time. Not that its so easy not to stress :dry: Here if you need me :hug:
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Darling you have no idea how seriously im considering it. I can't deal with anything right now, especially this bloody coursework. But its gotta be done. Im so tired even tho i've not long woke up. Im gonna be up all night, then have to go to college. Get back, when im gonna be ready to collapse from the tiredness and then i have to do another essay. I've told you so many times how much i wanna quit. I can't even do that because they won't let. Everyday i dread waking up to go to college because i cant even trust myself in the train station :cry:

    And thanks blubber, i doubt very much you could help me lol, i been doing this course for over 2 years now and i havent a clue as to what im doing! :dry: :laugh:
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Hang in there Vikki :hug: Its a long, hard struggle now, but youll overcome it. You can do it...I know you can. It isnt easy, but where all here for ya. :hug:
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