Why it's so hard to let go of toxic friends

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BBM77, May 15, 2016.

  1. BBM77

    BBM77 Active Member

    When they've been with you for over a decade or longer.

    1. Familiarity - They're normally your go-to people and have been for the longest time. You can't imagine anything living without them and it's hard to really look past a lot of things without them in that picture. Can't tell you how often I'd get frustrated trying to tell new friends all these experiences when they barely know anything of it - because they aren't the person those things originated from.

    2. Secrecies - 1st person that nobody knows you better than is yourself. But the closest 2nd thing behind that is who you talk to and tell everything to - your friends. Having long-tenured friends, especially with a decade or even longer, by this point they'd really know more about you than the average person you come by. Some, more than your family and you practically entrust them in stone to carry certain things til death.

    3. Hard to make new connections - I've believed for the longest time that friends are disposable. Puzzle pieces that can be replaced and in comes a new piece that may fit better. Though, putting more emphasis on something that I already covered for the most part. Without certain pieces, it can be difficult to carry on with yourself without everything that built up to where you are mentally or even physically. Even harder to allow new people coming into your life and almost expecting them to suddenly know everything and all the sentimental backlog of history with old ex-friends. They just aren't going to click so easily.

    Such is my predicament.
    Brian777 likes this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Why do you have to let them go Nycifer, what about them is toxic?
  3. BBM77

    BBM77 Active Member

    It's taken me a bit to think on this, but I need more observance time so sorry for the delay.

    Anyways. The reason I think a lot of my roster is toxic because, for the most part of my tenure with them. I wasn't given enough of good character and judgmental building with them that they've tossed their energy into with others. I'm not invited a lot, I'm not included a lot, hell, I'd be lucky if I was even remotely mentioned.

    Too much I've tolerated where I'm not their best friend, I'm not part of whatever circle they have and it's been an endurance for 10 years. And they rope me into quietly guilt tripping me into keeping them because you know, they've done things for me and I've done things for them and all that. So, it's even harder to let them go by that point, add in the stuff you tell them that they know about you that you want nobody else to know. What if you disconnect with them, some time passes and the next thing you know, you become one of the most unlikable people BECAUSE of that?

    I already feel like I'm unliked because I articulate what and how I'm feeling through these translated forms of opinion. The kind of opinions that go on to speak against something a majority like or that some friend likes. I end up becoming the unlikable minority simply because I voiced an opinion. More times than not, I've lost friends or trust or credibility with these people because of my opinions and because of my extensive assistance in trying to make sure they don't make one too many dumb decisions. Decisions like going a direction of themselves that is deceiving of their character. For example, I had an online ex-mate whom was a beauty and sweetheart. About a couple months ago, someone changed her and bloomed her into this fake and sexualized being I don't even know anymore.

    And despite my frail attempts to help get her back on track not just for me but people around us in our friend circle at the time. It was just no go.

    So, there's stuff like that.

    I feel that just because of voicing how I feel and the way I do it, I'm suddenly like almost nothing to anyone I know. And even more frustrating, they aren't upfront about it as they like to convince others. There's a TON more reasons but some of the stuff I spoke of here are just about the core problems.
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I believe I understand what you're saying Nycifer. Although you're part of the "group" you're delegated to the outer fringe, sounds like you've been useful to them in some ways in the past. It also sounds that you've outgrown them, maybe out matured them as evidenced by you having your own opinions that don't quite click with their "core group" mindset. I'd say that's a good thing and yes, sounds like it's time to move on to a more mature friends that encourage individual thinking and opinions. I know that leaving the familiar can make us apprehensive, however, you sound like you'll do just fine and meeting people that will encourage your personal growth is probably what you need at this point. I wish you all the best. Carpe' Diem