Why keep fighting?

[Lost2]

I have been struggling so much lately and my suicide plans are really strong
I'm having to fight the plans in my head constantly and tell myself that things will get better
But who am I kidding? They don't get better - I'm still in the same shit place I was years ago and it hurts
Things don't change, I just have to put n that fake smile and pretend I'm ok
No one knows what I'm going though and I'm tired of struggling on
Just want to curl up and die and end this once and for all

 

[total eclipse]

Hun you are still here fighting you are doing your best hun and no no one not evey you can tell what future hold It may just change for better hun You don't have to fake it here ok You let out the sadness here so others can support you hugs

 

[Lost2]

A week ago I stabbed myself in the chest and had 6 stitches - I was so upset at getting to that crisis point and hoped someone at the hospital could help me.
I was told that I needed to be in hospital so that they could keep me safe but that there were no beds available so I would have to go home. I hate it at the hospital but knew I needed help. They promised that someone would ring me but no one has and I'm just on my own
No one cares and no one can help me - I asked for help and it wasn't there

 

[Lost2]

I must sound so stupid and sad!
It's so exhausting fighting off suicidal thoughts and plans all day - part of me is scared that I will act impulsively and do something stupid but part of me doesn't really care

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You don't sound stupid or sad at all...you are really dealing with too much right now, and it's good to be able to let it all out. I'm sorry you haven't had much support, but keep posting here and we'll be here for you.

 

[Lost2]

Back at the hospital last night after cutting my wrists
Something must stop me from ending my life but what that is I'm not sure
One day I will do it right

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi Lost2,
I am so sorry, please stop hurting yourself. It is disgraceful the hospital has not supported you better. Have you tried any therapy? Try going to your own dr and see if they can help you. You are a good person, try not to be to hard on yourself. Change comes, but often you need to alter something in your life.
It isn't your fault you are poorly, you just need help learning to cope again. You are seeking out help on here, please keep posting as it seems to help you.
Take care
Kate