Why keep self on life support

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LilithsGhost, Mar 2, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. LilithsGhost

    LilithsGhost Member

    My relationship is tearing me apart. I have no where eles to go at this time and so am stuck living with him. My life has been so sh*ty. I really don't see the need to continue living. I have no one who cares about me That loves me.....God knows this guy doesn't ! The only arms I have left to run into are deaths...My wwhole life has sucked. I never asked to be here so why stay I f***** hate this place called life... Why keep myself on the life support- just because (?) umm no... Or keep myself on life support because people think I should... value something that has never valued me ...?:sigh:
     
  2. anya74

    anya74 New Member

    HI, I'm not sure it's much help, but I feel exactly the same way. My family doesn't give a sh*t about me, and my fiance, or former fiance now that i found out he's cheated on me, claims he loves me. but he's pretty much ruined what was left of my life. i worked really hard to pick up all the broken pieces before i met him. going through r-pe, abuse, cutting, a family of drunks, among other things, i thought i was doing ok. then i met him. and re-arranged my entire life for him, just because he put an engagement ring on my finger and made a bunch of promises. al of which hes broken. now i'm stuck here, 3000 miles away from what used to be home to me, unemployed. no friends. and he has a great job and is currently traveling internationally for business and having a grand old time. while i sit here and think of why i should not kill myself. all i can think right now, is that i should wait til saturday, simply because i have three kitties to feed and no one else to take care of them, and he wont be back til sunday.
    anyway, i know how you feel. i really do. i feel i have no one to talk to. i just cry and cry and the pain is unbearable.
    if you want to talk to me more about what's going on with you, i'm willing to listen and will try to help. i guess if i cant help myself, id like to try and help someone else.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time to find a new relationship time to think about you now okay move into a shelter if you have too but get out of that toxic relationship and start building your sense of self up again hugs to you
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i agree with eclipse this guy has sucked your self worth out of you,
    you are worth so much more than that
    i value you your writings speak to me
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Don't let one bad apple ruin your life.. Go out and find a job.. It will help with your self worth and give you a whole new set of friends..Not to mention the cash..Get out of that house as much as possible..Start makeing your own memories..I know it sounds easy but you will have to put forth the effort to make it work..I wish you all the best..
     
  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    If you wont leave today, then start putting money back, even if its from him, dollar here and there adds up, and I know it sounds bad to have to go to a shelter, but they are helpful when looking for jobs and trying to start over, will even help you apply for assistance and find cheap housing.

    I agree with everyone above, dont let him suck the life out of you, good luck.
     
  7. LilithsGhost

    LilithsGhost Member

    I AM TRYING. I can't just go without a plan so I have been diligently planning. We live in a suburb where buses don't run and I don't drive si its making it difficult to try to seek out help. So all I have is a cell phone and computer access.

    THANK all of you for responding. I want to let all of you know I have been in contact with local shelters. I have been told they have beds preserved for women and children. Since I am a single women I have been told that i will have to wait and keep calling back.


    So am sure you can imagine my frustration. I can't just leave without any security of a place to stay and money in hand to at least survive for a little while.


    The problem with taking money from him he may try to use it against me in court and say it was a loan when he knows it wasn't. I would never take a loan from him. He has done things for me and when got mad wanted things back. So I am very hesitant to ask for anything.


    Beside he will go and twist it and talk about me behind my back about it. He has done it so much am just tired of people judging me when they don't even know me.


    Right now he is talking trash on me with his Jehova Witness friends who come see him every Wes who told him we shouldn't be dating because we are a interracial couple and that he doesn't receive gods blessing.

    I overheard them have oen of there lil meetings talking about bible and his life problems. I heard them say that racist trash and heard him bad mouthing me for attention. The stuff he says he makes himself seem like a saint calm loving caring and I am so abuse mean women. He yells at me and lies to me ect. It makes me so angry that people just believe whatever they are told.


    They have never been in a romantic relationship with him just a "friendship". So They will never see certain sides of him. He cares a lot about what people think of him. He isn't one of these abusers who can't control himself in front of people. Its like watching two different people.

    He is very charming and manipulative. It makes me angry that it feels like i have no control over my life right now and the person effecting it the most in such bad ways. I want to leave TRUST me and if i had something in place i wild but its not that easy.

    Thank you for listening and being here for me. I really don't have anyone eles. I am trying to stay hopeful but i really wasn't that happy before we menant BUT I WAS HAPPIER than I am now. When we meant i thought my good karma was coming to me. I am devastated at everything going on.
     
  8. LilithsGhost

    LilithsGhost Member

    He talks about me behind my back like am his enemy. I mean you would think I was this whole other person. He craves attention and sympathy even if it comes at the cost of deceiving and manipulating his loved one. His only living family doesn't even speak to him. I wonder why. He won't talk about it . I wonder
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.