Why Me? *Trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by emma-louise, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. emma-louise

    emma-louise Guest

    This is to my brothers ..

    what the fuck did i ever do to you?

    WHY ME? WHY WAS IT ME YOU CHOSE? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? WHY NOT SOMEONE ELSE?

    Maybe i was asking for it? maybe im an easy target? or just maybe because i deserve it

    all i ever did was love you, why couldn't you do the same back?

    i was only 5 when you started doing it .. im sorry for whatever i done to make you hate me so much, i obviously didn't do things any right after that because you increased the pain you caused me when i got to 7. did you never see how much you was hurting me? maybe thats why you done it, because of how much it hurt me

    im sorry for making you do it ..

    wasn't making me cry enough for you, the touching was awful, but i mean raping me, that made me feel so disgusting, so dirty, so hurt. you made me cry, and bleed and hurt. sometimes you hurt me so much i physically couldn't move for days.

    this is to my parents ..

    why didn't you stop them mum? why didn't you protect me dad?

    Mum, i'm sorry for making you want to hit me, at first it was just the occassional slap .. but that soon because more frequent, and eventually beatings .. almost everyday .. what did i do so wrong? maybe you knew what my brothers were doing and you was punishing me for it .. but i'll never know because im too scared to ask .. im scared of you ..

    Dad, i thought i was your little girl? your angel .. obviously not .. you hurt me, like the rest of them .. i thought i could trust you .. i thought you wouldn't hurt me, i hoped you would be different .. why did you do that to me? i just needed someone to care for me, someone to love me .. im sorry dad ..

    i'm sorry you all hated me, im sorry i never left before you had to show me what a bad person i was .. im sorry .. i love you all no matter what you've done to me

    to the guy at school who was 4 years older than me .. thank you for showing me that even at school i wasnt safe .. why did you choose me? i even went to the police about the incident in school .. but you still raped me after that .. im sorry you felt you had to hurt me ..

    to the guy i dont even know .. im sorry you raped me, im sorry you got me pregnant and i'm sorry i killed your baby ..

    to the waiter in menorca .. i'm sorry if i led you on, i never ment to, why did you carry on after i said no? why did you make me feel like a whore? why did you make me feel so dirty? i'm sorry i killed your baby aswell ..

    i wanted both of those children, but i think it's best that they died, i mean i'm 16, how would i cope with a 2 year old and a 2 month old?

    all i want to know is why .. why me? what did i ever do to you?

    im sorry

     
  2. missdiana86

    missdiana86 Active Member

    omg i feel like all i have is triffles in comparison with what u survived...:blink: being that young and being that beating by life...why does life make us suffer? nobody knows...but it makes us stronger or breaks us...:blink:
     
  3. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    aw hun i'm so sorry.... :unsure: :( :(
    i know there's nothing i can say to make this go away.
    you should never have had to live through all this..
    no one deserves that.

    You don't have to be sorry for any of that though.. i so wish you didn't feel the need to, you haven't done anythign wrong. You don't deserve any of this... :(

    :hug: :hug: :( <33
    Some people may be self-centered and not listen, but they're not worth it.
    If you ever need someone to talk to let me know.. we don't really know each other too well, but i'll still always be here if you need someone.
     
  4. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    emma huun :hug: I'm soo sorry for what happen i promise hun when i come over i wont anything hurt you anymore okay hun :hug: you know i'm here if you need anything hun.
     
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    :sad: I'm sadened to read this post hun :sad: You know where i am if you ever need to talk. Love ya x
     
  6. im here for you any time u need me sweetie, always. Be safe and stay strong xx
     
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    just wanted to say ur not alone with how u have been treated and I can relate to all u have said. I guess the reasons why I'm now here on SF.

    Sorry no help, but wanted u to know. If I survive, ur welcome to PM.

    I was CSA, CPA, CEA from my family, family friends, and have been raped several times also..so I really do understand the scars it leaves u with.

    Hugs if ur allow. U have tremdous support here..keep reaching out and If I can give u any advice its to never bottle it up and to keep talking...
     
  8. powder_girl

    powder_girl Active Member

    that's not your fault and you are an angel for everyone just show it and they'll see your wings

    you should get out of that darkness, with help and hands to help you or no help, still get out and change your life in a way you never knew because the first thing that excites you is something that'll be good to you so go after it
     
  9. lil-sis-one-of-two

    lil-sis-one-of-two Well-Known Member

    I got pregnant when I was 15. Not in the same horrific circumstances as you but if you want to talk I am here.
    I am so sorry you were put through all that.
     
  10. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Aw emma! you linked me to this from chat, im so sorry! i had no idea! some people are complete bastards, but i think you have found someone great and i know you will do fine with them! I hope you do anyways! Take care hun, xxx