Hi so this isnt just sum mood swing ok? Usually im an up and abuot kinda girl...but now i realli feel like dying. no jokes. i juss wanna jump out my bedroom window and get it over with. reason being? Well, ok im suffering my heart is aching. This is because of my bestfriend. It's not liek she died or whatever. But we had a major huge fight over a GUY. Worst possible situation. Well, she liked this guys for 8 months and they werent even dating cause she didnt want an OFFICIAL boyfriend. So afterwards, the guy found that she was a pain in the ass. And "broke up" with her. and She was really sad and the guy started talkign to me and it DEVELOPED. we liked each other. Well, he liked me alot and i SORT OF liked him. So afterwards my bestfirend finsds otu nad goes balastic. And she tells me how she can never trust me ever ever againand that i betrayed her. And she kept saying everything like i never really cared abuot her. BUT I DID. She kept saying htat while i was happy running off with her EX she was sad and heartbroken at home. And she was being such a drama queen abuot it. And then hse names every single bad thing i've ever done in my life to her. She keeps yelling at me because i get mad at her EX because he lies to me and then her ex takes out his anger on HER. So then she starts getting really mad Mainly i think because everytime she gets mad its coz her EX brings stuff up about ME. and She gets mad at ME. She cant get over the fact that her EX likes me. But now i hate her EX. i realize what a jackass he is. But too late. My BEstfriend ends it right there. Four years of being ever so close and she destroyed it by telling me how horrible i was. and i Destroyed it by having a teensy weensy crush on her EX for a WEEK. And she made a huge deal out of it. I apologized everything EVERYTHING, i try not to make her mad forget bauot it. It doenst work. I was going to APOLOGIZE AGAIN and she hangs up on me. EVERYTHING. I TRIED EVERYTHING. I TOLD HER MILLIONS OF TIMES MY REASONS OF BEING. AND I TOLD HER EVERYTING I COULD TO CHANGE HER MIND..BUT WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO HOLD GRUDGES? HOLY COW, WE'rE ONLY TEENS. WHY'RE WE ALREAYD TAKING THINGS INTO SERIUOS ISSUES LIKE ADULTS AND WHATEVER. I don't want ot lose a bestfirend over a guy. I feel like i';ve done so many bad and wrong things in m,y life after she lectured me. I feel liek a really bad person who really doesnt deserve to live at all. I just want t kill myself. (and its not EVEN the first time maybe hte 20th time) And i feel like my bestfriend is a jackass. But she isn't BECUASE ITS ALL MY FAULT AND IM THE WRONG ONE SO GOD KILL ME NOW.