Why Me? Why am i such a dumb loser..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xChocoCatx, Oct 21, 2006.

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  1. xChocoCatx

    xChocoCatx Member

    Hi so this isnt just sum mood swing ok? Usually im an up and abuot kinda girl...but now i realli feel like dying. no jokes. i juss wanna jump out my bedroom window and get it over with. reason being? Well, ok im suffering my heart is aching. This is because of my bestfriend. It's not liek she died or whatever. But we had a major huge fight over a GUY. Worst possible situation. Well, she liked this guys for 8 months and they werent even dating cause she didnt want an OFFICIAL boyfriend. So afterwards, the guy found that she was a pain in the ass. And "broke up" with her. and She was really sad and the guy started talkign to me and it DEVELOPED. we liked each other. Well, he liked me alot and i SORT OF liked him. So afterwards my bestfirend finsds otu nad goes balastic. And she tells me how she can never trust me ever ever againand that i betrayed her. And she kept saying everything like i never really cared abuot her. BUT I DID. She kept saying htat while i was happy running off with her EX she was sad and heartbroken at home. And she was being such a drama queen abuot it. And then hse names every single bad thing i've ever done in my life to her. She keeps yelling at me because i get mad at her EX because he lies to me and then her ex takes out his anger on HER. So then she starts getting really mad Mainly i think because everytime she gets mad its coz her EX brings stuff up about ME. and She gets mad at ME. She cant get over the fact that her EX likes me.

    But now i hate her EX. i realize what a jackass he is. But too late. My BEstfriend ends it right there. Four years of being ever so close and she destroyed it by telling me how horrible i was. and i Destroyed it by having a teensy weensy crush on her EX for a WEEK. And she made a huge deal out of it. I apologized everything EVERYTHING, i try not to make her mad forget bauot it. It doenst work. I was going to APOLOGIZE AGAIN and she hangs up on me. EVERYTHING. I TRIED EVERYTHING. I TOLD HER MILLIONS OF TIMES MY REASONS OF BEING. AND I TOLD HER EVERYTING I COULD TO CHANGE HER MIND..BUT WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO HOLD GRUDGES? HOLY COW, WE'rE ONLY TEENS. WHY'RE WE ALREAYD TAKING THINGS INTO SERIUOS ISSUES LIKE ADULTS AND WHATEVER. I don't want ot lose a bestfirend over a guy. I feel like i';ve done so many bad and wrong things in m,y life after she lectured me. I feel liek a really bad person who really doesnt deserve to live at all. I just want t kill myself. (and its not EVEN the first time maybe hte 20th time) And i feel like my bestfriend is a jackass. But she isn't BECUASE ITS ALL MY FAULT AND IM THE WRONG ONE SO GOD KILL ME NOW.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi CC...as you said you are young, and you have a whole life ahead of you...i promise you will make mistakes again...that is just what we do...we are human...and I do not think you will get together with a boy involved with one of your friends again...that is how we learn...please remember you are not all those bad things just because someone called you them when she was angry...she did that because she was hurt...maybe after the smoke passes, and things are less emotional, you can have an honest talk with her ... don't growing pains stink??? but we all go through them...hope you are feeling a little better and remember, you are so much more than the things she called you...big hugs, Jackie
     
  3. iQuit

    iQuit Well-Known Member

    Don't do it! It's not worth it!
     
  4. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Hey, iv had things like this happen before and no, its not worth it. It realy hurts =(.. I got a suggestion, why dont you write her a letter? She might pretend like its gay and wont read it.. but she will.. its what humans are, curious. So thats just an idea, also its a good idea to play it kool around her for a while, keep your distance (even tho you probly already no that) and if something between you loosens up, take that opertunity. GOOD LUCK! and take care =) Ally x
     
  5. Syd

    Syd Guest

    Tell her how you feel, and just be honest. That's all you can do, if you can tell her what you told us here.. you've done the right thing. It doesn't mean she'll forgive you, but she'll know that her friendship meant a lot to you. After you write to her, try to read a book, watch some movies, or play games, you need to focus on something else to give your mind a break for awhile.
     
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