Why me...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Aug 25, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    For gods sake..

    I just wanna scream and throw a tantrum.

    I get told I'm making excuses to not babysit. 3 days after a phlebotomy (bloodletting). On the day I had it - I went bowling - and was told I looked fucked (referencing tired) - so was dropped off home - rested for an hour and went to bingo.

    But when I say no - or maybe - I effectively get told off.

    Don't I know my own fucking body? Don't I know what I am capable of doing? Am I completely stupid?

    Sure feels like because others do so much more and I hate the fact I struggle even doing menial tasks around the home. If I say I struggle sleeping I get told it's because I don't do enough/drink too much coffee. If I say I struggle exercising (such as friday and 50 mins of walking made me sweat profusely) - I'll get told it's because I don't do enough.

    I get hot flushes - I don't complain (irl)
    I get tired from doing something and/or nothing - I don't complain (irl)
    I don't sleep properly - I feel like I can't say anything
    I don't eat enough - "oh you should eat more"

    And yet - when I want to have the occasional steak from a meal out - it's considered a no-no. But diet alone will not change that I will need these phlebotomies from time to time. I have iron overload built into the genetics that I have, so it's going to be needed. I've never been one for being able to lift weights - I steer clear from it because I don't do it well enough.

    I get occasional joint aches (elbows/shoulders) - I put it down to laying awkwardly.
    I have occasional thirsty spells where I could drink and drink and still need more.

    But with all that - I'm not allowed to say no without being guilt-tripped. I'm not allowed to say no without being reminded that my sister and her partner don't do a lot together... Who's fucking fault is that? Mine? For saying no to babysitting?

    The last time I said no... they had my niece go over - who, in the end - I had to go to sit with the kids so my brother-in-law could take her home. He took well over an hour - to do something that I was presuming would take 10-15 minutes. But it took 75.

    Can I truly be blamed for fucking saying no now and again?

    Any advice would be grateful. This is a rant but I'm pissed off at the fact that when I say no it's wrong.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I do understand to some degree how you feel. I know that when I was going through the first stage of seroconversion from my HIV (I wasn't even aware of what it was at the time) I had pretty nasty glandular fever and meningitis. Recovering from it all made me extremely exhausted, even simple things such as getting dressed and walking downstairs was such an effort because I just felt so poorly. Because I was off university sick and was not working my parents expected me to do things around the house like do the washing up (pots they left from the morning) hoover the lounge and their bedroom (again mess made by them) go out and get cat food (I could barely move some days) and when I didn't do them they screwed at me. It was also difficult because my mental health wasn't particularly good at the time either which made things doubly difficult. In the end I had to tell them to the extent of how poorly I was feeling and that even simple tasks were mammoth ones for me even if I did have all day to them. They got a lot better of understanding, especially when I did get my HIV diagnosis because even though I was getting better physically I would still get tired very easily. Even now, I get horrendous joint pain and fatigue very easily so when I've done a stretch at work, on my days off I often do nothing but lounge about because my body needs to recover.

    One of the best things to do is to be open and honest about your condition and how it is making you feel. Maybe come to sort some of arrangement with your sister. Tell her that a week or two after your venesection is the worst time physically for you to do any kind of task, let alone babysit because you feel extremely unwell, but if she does want to go out, to plan it a few weeks after your venesection because you may be in a better place physically and mentally to babysit. That does not sound too unreasonable to me because it's saying you will help her out, but she has to understand that you can't do it at times when you are going to be at your lowest. Compromises can be made, but people need to be aware of how you are feeling and your limitations too.

    I will offer a general bit of advice though, something which you have probably been told thousands of times, but it is important to live a healthy lifestyle, as much as you can. A balanced diet is important and it is important that you eat regular meals and I would advise on cutting down on the caffeine intake because that could be contributing into making you feel lethargic and thirsty. Obviously you still need to enjoy life, so don't cut it out altogether but maybe rationing how much coffee you drink may make a difference into how you are feeling. Also, make sure you drink plenty of water because in general, after venesections you are losing blood and fluid in your body. Your body needs to compensate which is why you tend to feel to shitty afterwards, but drinking plenty of water can help restore that fluid. Exercise (as much as you can tolerate) is important too, even if it's just walking up and down a flight of stairs a few times a day, it all helps. Make sure you are getting enough vitamins in your diet and if not consider taking suppliments (obviously avoiding iron and iron absorbing vitamins) but every little thing helps. It may not make a huge difference, but it can help you feel a lot better in yourself and it will help your body during the venesections. I can tell the difference when I am eating healthily and getting regular exercise with my HIV than when I am slobbing about eating junk.

    Hope you feel better soon :hug: