Why Me?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JustNoMore, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. JustNoMore

    JustNoMore Member

    Hi, im a 13 year old boy. I would just like to talk a little bit about why i contemplate suicide very often.

    Let me start off like this

    My Mother-
    Yells at me,calls retarded, stupid, and just intentionally everyday of my life tries to make me feel like shit. She treats my brother like a fucking king and makes me give my stuff to him if he wants it and he is fucking 19. When she gets mad and tries to hit me i dont feel it, if become numb to punishment and beating. In some ways she is a reason why i feel my soul is gone. She treats me like a decent person one minute then the next she ends up yelling calling me dumb and etc.

    My Father- A 2 faced dick who will never shut up, he is always arguing. Calls me a dumb peice of shit quite often. Use to beat me but now doesnt cause he knows i will fight back. I argue with him more than i talk to that peice of shit. Im tired of seeing him and have told him in front of people and in private that i want him dead and if he wanted me to i could make it happen. Trust me what im about to say has nothing to do with the gift just read the next section correctly. My father has never gotten me a gift for any holiday, im not mad about the lack of gift im depressed about the lack of his love to even show the smallest respect or love towards me by symbolically giving me a gift.

    My brother-
    He is shown as the A child. My mother always treats him better if im doing something and he wants to do it he must have it. They give him what he wants whenever he wants and dont punish him when he gets in trouble and he is fucking 19 and cant take responsibility for his actions. I remember he came home one night when he was 17 smelling of beer and they just gave him a warning, One day i was playing with legos and they werent mine so my dad beat me.

    The only Person thats ever loved me-
    This has to be my aunt she has always loved me. Treated me like her son, and actually has been like a mother to me. She Has loved me more in one day then ive been loved my whole life. Theres a huge down side she lives 7hrs away and i get to see he RARELY through the year. This litteraly makes me break down and just tear my heart in two.

    Some Random memories of mine

    This story is about the lego thing i mentioned earlier.

    So i was at my cuzins playing with legos and my dad comes down and ask "Did you ask your cuzin if you could play with his legos" I said "no" so he beat me for 20 minutes slaped me, hit me with his belt.

    This story was when i was about 9 or 10.

    my dad was installing a fan in my brothers room cause my brother wanted one. And i was helping him so apparently he got mad at me and hit me on the head with a screwdriver for just standing there.

    I Just FUCKING CANT HANDLE THIS NO MORE IVE GONE TO BED CRYING ON COUNTLESS OCCASIONS AND MY FAMILY DOESNT CARE MY DAD SEES IM HURT AND HE JUST SAYS STOP BEING A PUSSY I GET CONSIST FUCKING CRITICISM FROM EVERYONE I MEET. WHEN EVER SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY MAKES FUN OF ME MY WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY THINKS ITS FUNNY AS HELL AND STARTS MOCKING ME AND DOING THE SAME THING AND THEY JUST HAVE ONE HUGE FUCKING LAUGH FEAST OVER MY PAIN AND MISERY AND THEY DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IVE TRIED KILLING MY SELF BUT MY BRAIN WOULDN'T LET ME DO IT WHEN EVER I TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND I CANT SUCCEED I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE CAUSE I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO TAKE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE

    I just dont know if i can do this anymore.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm sorry your family treats you that way. Have you ever been able to talk to your aunt about the way things are at home?

    My PM box is always open if you ever want to talk.
     
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Hey JustNoMore,

    What you've described sounds absolutely aweful, and your family shouldn't treat you that way, they don't have the right. You say your aunt loves you, can't you talk to her about what happens? Perhaps she will be able to help and/or take you in to live with her? You should try not to lose hope, as they won't always be able to do this to you. There will come a point where you will grow up and be able to get away from them and the things they do to you.

    If you need someone to talk to more one-to-one when you are feeling low or suicidal, there are plenty of people here who would be more than willing to try and help you through it, including myself. I'm sure there are some people here who have gone through or are going through the same things you are, and might be able to help or give you some guidance. Just keep talking to us here, and don't let them get to you so much that you cause any harm to yourself.

    Please be safe. :hug:
     
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    You're too young to have to deal with this. :(

    Can you tell a school counselor all this? They can help you.
     
  5. JustNoMore

    JustNoMore Member

    Thanks for the advice, wanna know whats really sad? All 3 of you so far in 1 post have shown more attention and care towards me then i think my whole family has my whole life.

    Wanna know 1 more thing about my dad since i cant edit my thread

    One last thing to share about this "man" is that he has never said "I love you" to me.


    and fawkes i cant I hate my these people so much but for some reason i cant turn them in
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2009
  6. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Call child protective services.
     
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    You really should tell your aunt. I'm sure she'd understand your reservations about having anything done against them, as she is their family as well. She loves you, so she'd only do what's in your best interests. At least consider it? :smile:
     
  8. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    My adive, talk to a teacher who you trust, ask him/her to listen to you.
    See if they will help you out, I am sure they can talk to child support, if you really wat out of there, just explain you will not go back to them, and tell them everythign you have said to us on the forums
     
  9. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    I'm sooo sorry to hear that, but try speaking to a school conselor. They should be able to help you. My PM box is always open.