Hi, im a 13 year old boy. I would just like to talk a little bit about why i contemplate suicide very often. Let me start off like this My Mother- Yells at me,calls retarded, stupid, and just intentionally everyday of my life tries to make me feel like shit. She treats my brother like a fucking king and makes me give my stuff to him if he wants it and he is fucking 19. When she gets mad and tries to hit me i dont feel it, if become numb to punishment and beating. In some ways she is a reason why i feel my soul is gone. She treats me like a decent person one minute then the next she ends up yelling calling me dumb and etc. My Father- A 2 faced dick who will never shut up, he is always arguing. Calls me a dumb peice of shit quite often. Use to beat me but now doesnt cause he knows i will fight back. I argue with him more than i talk to that peice of shit. Im tired of seeing him and have told him in front of people and in private that i want him dead and if he wanted me to i could make it happen. Trust me what im about to say has nothing to do with the gift just read the next section correctly. My father has never gotten me a gift for any holiday, im not mad about the lack of gift im depressed about the lack of his love to even show the smallest respect or love towards me by symbolically giving me a gift. My brother- He is shown as the A child. My mother always treats him better if im doing something and he wants to do it he must have it. They give him what he wants whenever he wants and dont punish him when he gets in trouble and he is fucking 19 and cant take responsibility for his actions. I remember he came home one night when he was 17 smelling of beer and they just gave him a warning, One day i was playing with legos and they werent mine so my dad beat me. The only Person thats ever loved me- This has to be my aunt she has always loved me. Treated me like her son, and actually has been like a mother to me. She Has loved me more in one day then ive been loved my whole life. Theres a huge down side she lives 7hrs away and i get to see he RARELY through the year. This litteraly makes me break down and just tear my heart in two. Some Random memories of mine This story is about the lego thing i mentioned earlier. So i was at my cuzins playing with legos and my dad comes down and ask "Did you ask your cuzin if you could play with his legos" I said "no" so he beat me for 20 minutes slaped me, hit me with his belt. This story was when i was about 9 or 10. my dad was installing a fan in my brothers room cause my brother wanted one. And i was helping him so apparently he got mad at me and hit me on the head with a screwdriver for just standing there. I Just FUCKING CANT HANDLE THIS NO MORE IVE GONE TO BED CRYING ON COUNTLESS OCCASIONS AND MY FAMILY DOESNT CARE MY DAD SEES IM HURT AND HE JUST SAYS STOP BEING A PUSSY I GET CONSIST FUCKING CRITICISM FROM EVERYONE I MEET. WHEN EVER SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY MAKES FUN OF ME MY WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY THINKS ITS FUNNY AS HELL AND STARTS MOCKING ME AND DOING THE SAME THING AND THEY JUST HAVE ONE HUGE FUCKING LAUGH FEAST OVER MY PAIN AND MISERY AND THEY DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IVE TRIED KILLING MY SELF BUT MY BRAIN WOULDN'T LET ME DO IT WHEN EVER I TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND I CANT SUCCEED I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE CAUSE I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO TAKE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE I just dont know if i can do this anymore.