why me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by starryeyed, Jul 5, 2011.

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  1. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I had to go to the consultant this morning a bit away.the nurse there was the one who abused me in the past.she let me wait two hours while others were called.
    When I said something she looked at me viciously.seriously amd she barked an answer.
    I didnt go further about her.i.mean she gets away with talking to me like im dirt.
    The other patients were saying things about me they couldnt have known.
    Id never seen any of them before.i heard one say I was published mocking me.
    It was awful.everyone knows everything about me and watch everything I do waiting for me to make myself more open.
    Im not imagining this.a complete stranger in the pub said word for word what I had written anonymously on an internet forum.one where I had told no one I was on.
    The only people who talk to me are my family and they hate me.
    I dont think theres a point in going on.
     
  2. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    How is it ok to be talked about even going to see the doctor.
    I didnt ask to be born.everyone hates me.people I dont even know
    Ipeople are told not to speak to me.then I walk into a room and everyones staring at me and making faces to each other.im not psychotic.this is happening.
    How am I supposed to live a normal life when no one gives me a chance.
    They hate me anyway..
     
  3. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello starryeyed,

    I can understand what you feel, you feel rejected from what i understand.

    Do you think you can share some information on the abuse from this nurse?
     
  4. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Yeah I was referred to her when I was bad two years ago.mentally I was fine but I was being abused by my drunk brother and sister,i had lost my job cos of the recession and I had ut on four stone from meds.
    The nurse wanted me to join a group she had set up for mh patients.
    They al went walking together.i didnt want to join.she said I was lieing about my food intake.i eat one meal a day ,always have.with snacks too.
    She said I was lieing and started screaming at me that just cos I was a chef didnt mean I knew about food.she was like a psycho and saying you havent even tried to lose weight.
    I ran out in tears and she forced me to go back in and keep telling her my private thoughts.i wrote a letter of complaint about her but didnt persue the matter.she gives me dirty looks since and barks at me.no one believes me and said that it was a personality clash.
    Shes horrible.
     
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Pardon my language but....

    Don't let the bastards get you down!

    I've had more than enough trouble over being published - from professional cry-babies crying the blues - to political pond life whose opinion is all about money not truths.

    As for sneers about depression and being published - that nurse is an idiot - but I wonder if she had read anything more than the back of the cereal. Many many famous authors and writers have been and are being published. A LOT happen to suffer with depression.

    I see your issue with this nurse - and its a shame you cannot smuggle a small camera in these places. I knows its your word against 'theirs' but sometimes when your isolated in a place like that - your already feeling bad so you take things more to heart. What is left of your heart can be crushed by stupid people - so stay strong and remember that nobody has the right to abuse you.

    Be strong and you will conjure up some smart plan to catch any fool who tries to play you for a fool - I dare say I could loan you a small mini spy-camera f you were strapped for cash - not something I'd normally do but I hear you and its a shame that there for want of a 50 dollar cam goes your testimony. Its not like I'm walking around all the time with the spy cam - its just there in case anyone official wants to go off on a 'power trip'.

    Sounds like this nurse would be saluting for Adolf Hitler and cheering concentration camps 'back in the day'. All it takes is a uniform for some people - and they revel in that power!

    Sometimes stupid people are jealous of depressed people and people with mental illness. Think about it - a stupid dull person who is nasty can NEVER be clever. You are clever and could run this therapy class on your own - plus make sure you actually eat something really nice.

    I might have depression but I would literally explode with rage IF I saw someone bullying someone because of a mental condition. I guess the bullies just go for the weak and vulnerable, which is fine with me because I'd relish the chance to step in and explain the error of their ways.

    Some staff are brilliant people.

    Angels sent to help those stricken with the grief or profound sadness that debilitates us so. If you are not religious - the term is still a nice one to use. Some people are very special - in fact we all are - but its often a case of having someone seeing us as such that gladdens our hearts to the point were we like waking up in the morning.

    The nurse is just one person in your life - don't fret so much much on her and allow people to belittle you like that. We all care for you here - and I read your latest post and had to reply. You are right - it is unfair - and unjust - and likely illegal - but don't let the bad weigh down the good. Don't let others drag you down to their level.

    Others fight for our rights and ensure the poor and those short of cash in the middle class will have equal access to medical care regardless of earning $100,000 a year or someone homeless living in a box.

    This psycho nurse, if you can record her yelling - then I hope she is jailed and understands how it feels when you think everyone is looking at you. She has bigger issues than you!

    Far bigger!

    In fact - I'm guessing that she is using her career to bully people and such people, although not classified as depressed, are certainly suffering from a mental illness al the same. Many here including yourself have been bullied and abused by people - and I would guess that you know all too well that such people, be they child abusers, or abusers of the mentally ill - are actually 'ill' themselves.

    I stake everything I know on this.

    So, there you have it - I'm glad to see you here - but not glad if you know what I mean? I mean it would be better if you just on some play station forum chatting about chipping the thing - but things are what they are - but what you are is not the finished thing. That nurse is finished spiritually and as a person - she could be reincarnated a thousand times and still come back as a wasp!

    PM me if you need some help with a small spy cam. IF you want to go that way!

    On a more lighter note please advise me what other beans I might use in a Chilly Con Carny?

    I use baked beans - and also use kidney beans. Sure I make my own sauce, tomatoes, (tinned and perhaps cherry tomatoes) plus onion. Don't like Garlic - or sunlight and stakes through the heart.

    I also find that a touch/dash of celery will really help.

    Anyhow, - don't worry about your weight - and try not to eat out so often in hospitals! The food itself would actually make you depressed as it is a nutritional nothingness - cardboard with flavouring.

    You enjoy your own cooking and hope you get work soon. Chefs can be depressed and seem 'normal' - maybe that was the trouble!

    My Best.

    Hope that things can get better as the Summer progresses.

    God bless.
     
  6. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Omg im freaked as I just ate chilli !
    I am physically seriously ill and cant work.it was one of the patients that was mocking me for being published.that spy camera is a good idea .i was psychotic five years ago and was locked up against my will.im struggling cos my family abuse me and nobody and I mean nobody speaks to me.in the waiting room today a girl kept talkingabout stuff thats personal to me to get a reaction.i dont know her at all.
    The other nurse questioned me as to how I got my last job trying to make out I had been lobotomised or somthing.
    Im not a qualified chef but I trained from scratch.i studied art in college but then I wanted to be a chef.
    So forgive me if my advice isnt great.for the chilli id only use kidney beans.no cherry tomatoes,use plum instead richer fuller flavour.tinned tomatoes are cheaper and are great..red chillis
    You can serve with rice and crusty bread.
    Thanks for your lengthy reply.its like im being punished for my acheivements.i only ended up in hospital cos I worked myself into the ground.no ones ever said well done or fair play.
    Nobody has ever showed me love or given a damn.this is truth.
     
  7. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I came off the meds and have lost weight already even though they shouted at me that it wasnt the meds.
     
  8. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    My sister just threathened to smash my face into pieces.this was after.i confided in her about what happened today.
     
  9. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello starryeyed,

    Do you remember the words your sister used when she told you this?
     
  10. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Some medication will make it easier for you to put on weight, while on medication being on a diet would help control the weight a bit.
     
  11. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Why do you keep asking me obscure questions ,then when I answer you dont reply.
    I said EXACTLY what she said just there.
    And ifyou read my post properly you would see i.only eat one meal a day.what did you want me to do - eat half a meal a day ?
     
  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Starryeyed. Sounds like you're going through some rough times.

    I'm sorry your sister threatened you. That's not right.

    When we're depressed, we often feel things and see things in a much darker context...I think Constantinos just wanted to be sure he understood you.

    About the eating...Sometimes our bodies respond to not getting food by storing however little we eat...and so we still put on weight. The various medications for mental health issues have lots of different side effects as you already know. I find it very hard to lose weight, even if I eat a balanced, healthy, lots of fruits and veggies diet. Have you added exercise to your routine? That usually helps a lot.

    The nurse you talked about sounds nasty. Could you take someone with you to wait during your appointment? Then maybe this nurse won't pick on you. And you might mention it to the doctor you see. Make notes with times and dates of the things that happen and then talk to the doctor. If she is making you so upset, raising it with the doc might put an end to it.

    I hope you start to feel better soon. Thinking of you...
     
  13. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Thanks
    Nobody believed me about the nurse.such is the stigma for mh patients.
    Im not clinically depressed,just getting unwell.i saw a dietician and she told me all about the storing food.i physically cant eat a.lot.i m losing the weight now cos im not on the meds.
    I cant exercise as I have chronic debilitating athritis.but ive still lost two stone not exercising and eating the same.which only justifies what I was saying that the meds made me huge.i went shopping today and I can fit into nice clothes agaun.im not worried about my weight anymore as im off the meds.my sister doesnt remember last night.
    I texted her today when she was at worm cos thats the only time shes sober.i just got home and shes drunk again.just shows it had no effect on her.i
    I was saying to that other poster cos they kept asking me the exact words the nurse and my sister said and when I told them they didnt reply.which I wondered at.iean why ask and then I tell them and they dont answer.why like ?
    Sorry im irritable I suppose.
    And I was like a maniac over my weight cos I worked three/ four days a week and went to the gym three days and I ate no crap and still put on weight.the only answer was to stop taking them which I did.
     
  14. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Have you thought about restarted different medication? Medication helps a lot, sometimes some medicine may cause side effects but you can always change medication until you find the one that matches with you.
     
  15. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Yeah I have thanks
    Im really sick.my brother and sister keep abusing me
    Im in my room 24 hours.i went downstairs two mins and got abuse for putting empty blister packs in the bin.where am I suposed to put themi
    I gotmy college place today.no one cares.
    My sister came up screaminh at me abuse again
    My mother said its my fault.how is it my fault lying in bed sick ?
     
  16. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    The abuse im under is unreal.no ones helping me.
    I dont know where to turn.
    Im not allowed speak but the can roar their heads off
    I just been subjected to a string of abuse.about being paid through college the firsy time.
    About money I was given when I was 18.
    They never say stuff like that to my brother who was in rehab and prison.
    Whay did I do that was so wrong.its hell I swear
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2011
  17. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Then she started screaming about me being beaten up by my ex.
    That it was all my own fault.what kind of person would say that
    I worked so hard I ended up in hospital but that still wasnt enough for them.
    I got published.no still not enough.i dont know what else to do
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2011
  18. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Then I was told I was ' wasting ' a place that someone else could usr.
    I mean im seriously ill and not one person said well.done for my results.
    Im proud of myself even if these abusive so called family arent
     
  19. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    How do I go about doing something about this abuse?
     
  20. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello starryeyed,

    I can understand what you feel, I am also happy to hear that you have been accepted at university - did you tell this to your family?

    Lets go a bit back on the medication, i want you to go a psychiatrist/consultant - you can choose to either go to the psychiatrist/consultant that you already go to or go a new one. You will help yourself a lot if you do this.
     
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