Why nice guys always finish last?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Givinup, Dec 15, 2014.

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  1. Givinup

    Givinup Member

    I'm a 23 year old guy studying abroad in USA.. It's my sixth and last year in college, and I came to the point where I don't want to live anymore because I feel constant depression, anger, sadness and that there is nothing I should live for...
    When I started college I met this amazing girl... She was the most beautiful girl in entire school.. Lucky me, I got her and I found out that she is not just beautiful on her outside but even more in her inside... We were a perfect fit to each other.. We completed our life's and made each other very happy... But then something happened, she felt into depression, broke up with me even she loved me... I never gave up and got her back, made her happy, treated her like goddess.. Flowers, surprises almost every day, massages, I took care of her when she was not feeling well.. She was happy and again broke up with me when I left home for summer... She felt into even deeper depression, and despite her million excuses how she is not good enough for me, I got her back again, and we were happy again... Then we graduate and she broke up with me again, because it was complicated situation and we are in different states now... However, she started texting me again, i know she loves me until today.. We were laughing, flirting, etc... I really thought she is the one... She told me how I am the best person she ever knew, how nobody treated her as well as I did and how perfect I am and how she missed all of our stuff.. She was about to come visit me, and I found out that she slept with her best friend, because she felt depressed and did stupid thing... All my hopes for her broke... My heart never hurt so bad (literally)... the past half year I hated my life, after last time she broke up with me... I feel miserable, I hate school, I don't love playing soccer anymore, even I am very good at it... All I do is go to soccer practice, classes and lay in my bed day after day... I don't feel passion for anything, I don't wanna talk to anyone, I don't wanna see other girls even tho I got hit by a lot of them... The only person who would make me smile a little was that one and only girl through this time and hope that we can be together... Even we weren't together I couldn't even look at other girls... And I tried, but they all boring and not the same and I'm not even attracted to them in a sexual way... What is wrong with me? So now when the only hope is gone, I don't know what to do... I am graduating this year and I don't want to go home, I don't want to stay in USA too because I have nobody here... I don't have any friends left, I am very lonely, and I don't even want to let people in because they just want to use a nice guy and spit it out.. It's like the better you are for people the less you get back... Why shitty people are always happier? Why guys who sleep with different girl every night are so much happier? I don't see any purpose to live in this shitty world... I know my problems seem like a joke to all of you.. But I am just completely drained, I don't see any purpose... Ive been feeling like this for a ling time... so Why to live and feel constantly unhappy? What's the point of life if you cannot enjoy it? What's the point if when you are trying to do something good, something bad always happens in return (not just the relationship)... Just thinking about suicide calms me down... And I'm scared that I can do it, I'm scared that this is the only option to free myself from this constant pain... From living this life like a machine day after day on constant pressure and no enjoyment...
     
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