Why can't I give up? It's not like I want to die. But then in a way I do. I remember being at the hospital on a failed attempt and my mother had said "just start all over and do whatever you feel that you've done wrong, do it right." What a load of shit. You can't start all over. No matter what, my problems are still going to be here. Then when I get home my God-fearing mother says "The world is going to end soon". Then why the heck can't I get a head start? Living like this is hell. Faking a smile every freaking day is hell. Having someone ask if I took my meds or if I seen my psychriatist lately is hell. And then when I do want to talk about ANYTHING just to take my mind of off things briefly. No one is there. To be in a place where you can't feel anything, I'll be nothing... sounds peaceful. I just want to go already.