I'm new to this forum. I guess the reason I signed up is there's still probably the one last shred of me that doubts killing myself is the answer. I probably write a different suicide note each week. It's generally the same theme but the wording is always slightly different. The "why do I want to kill myself?" is simple: I just do not fucking care anymore. I'm 38 year old married father of two boys. My wife and kids take me for granted, I'm at a dead end in my career, I'm up to my ears in debt, I have absolutely no self esteem, and every day is just miserable. I've spent my whole life trying to make others happy and never once doing anything that ever made me happy. I just feel I'm a broken miserable person that won't ever find any enjoyment in life. I had yet another carrot dangled in front of me by my employer that was once again yanked away. I just can't win. And don't say just find a new job. I've already tried that and it's never that easy of a solution. I have a <edit moderator total eclipse method> I'll probably fuck that up to and end up as a vegetable for the rest of my life. But that fear is decreasing every single day.