Why not?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, May 4, 2016.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I am really scared because I feel like I could easily go over the edge. I can't think of any reasons not to do it. I am on my own and have been for some time. It wouldn't hurt anyone, so why can't I just leave? I would be at peace then. I feel scared of what I could do, but also oddly calm. Not sure why I am writing this because I feel nothing matters anymore. This is darkness that I can't escape from.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please don't hurt yourself hun.

    You can live your own life, and who knows what is around the corner? What if you miss out on all that? What do you dream of doing? You could achieve that...

    Get yourself some help, hun, you deserve that.

    *hugs*
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm worried it will be the same for the rest of my life. An empty, pointless existence, and I don't know how to make it better. I feel like I've screwed up my life beyond repair. I'm sorry I am always complaining here, I feel like I'm being annoying. But I can't talk anywhere else about my feelings. Sometimes I feel like I am beyond help...I don't know anything anymore.
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Don't be sorry, that's what this place is here for!

    No one is beyond help. I refuse to believe that hun. What help have you tried?
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I tried therapy and meds, I'm still really depressed and feel hopeless. I just feel like my life is worthless and I don't deserve to live.
     
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You do deserve to live, of course you do.

    Are you still on meds? And therapy? If not perhaps you should try it again? And perhaps another therapist this time if you didn't feel it helped you?
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I am on meds but just for anxiety. My depression feels unbearable most of the time. My therapist was helpful, I stopped going after he cancelled group therapy. I felt that helped me more than one on one sessions. Most days feel like a chore and I don't even have the motivation to change anything.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You should try going back to therapy. Why did they cancel the group thing? Perhaps they thought you wasn't ready yet for it, or needed another group that was even better for you?

    I know it's not easy to dig your way out, but please give it a go. Could you talk to your doctor or pdoc about anti depressants maybe?
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    He cancelled it because he wanted more people to join. He said he would restart it when he got more members, but it's been almost a year now. I should talk to my doctor about my depression, she was the one who prescribed me anti-anxiety meds. So maybe she can give me something for my other symptoms.
     
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  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    People are trying to control my life, even in the most intimate of ways. I can't live like this anymore, I am done.
     
  11. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Why not change your world, insofar as... Finding something new to do? Give your self some thing to devote your self to! Bag groceries, stock shelves, seat guests at restaurants, anything honestly--it's not about what you're doing, rather that you're doing it. In other words the satisfaction of a job well done. You really don't have anything to fear at this point. Try it out! You'll make acquaintances, have a different structure to your environment, and most importantly, have something new to look forward to. This may in all likelihood improve your relationships with family because you will be giving all parties a break; or some room, to breathe...& we all need that from time to time! :) post script: what if this place happens to be just where you run into a great friend, or even lover? You never know what wonderful opportunity presents itself if you don't show up. Don't worry if you've never done anything of the sort before. Now's the perfect time to change all that. As they say, the journey begins with one step. And as another stated, an object once in motion tends to stay in motion...so it's not that hard. :-D
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  12. Mr. Anybody

    Mr. Anybody New Member

    First off I really enjoy your avatar, Its really appealing to the eye. In my humble opinion that eye for beautiful things is reason enough to see the value of you. I truly hope you are still here. Admittedly it's for a selfish reason though, so that I may see others like yourself who feel the hurt of it. Those who know that weight and can still share the small beauties they see with people like me. People they don't know and are powerful just enough to show themselves honestly. I can empathize with that sense of abandonment and restraint. That ache that the world is a quagmire and the best way out is the path of least resistance and sink into it. The visceral want to no longer feel.

    Then I see a small picture that makes me feel something and I push on. Yeah, I know that memory of the light will fade over time and the darkness will encroach again but I am a reasonably aware person and can see patterns and I have a pretty good idea that I will see another small picture that will make me feel something.

    It's funny...a small image, honest words of vulnerability and I feel a little bit better and a little bit less lonely. I wanted to write this to help you and it appears you helped me.

    Thank you
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you for the good advice :) I agree with what you said, but usually I feel so unmotivated....I know that is one more thing I need to work on. I need to do something, anything, to change my daily routine. I can't give into other peoples demands anymore, and I need to stand up for what I believe in. Then maybe I will be a happier person.
     
    MisterBGone likes this.
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Aww, well I am glad I was able to help you :) Your words have helped me as well. It is good to still be able to see beauty, even in the smallest of things. If I didn't find joy in anything at all, I still wouldn't be here. Though it can be hard to carry on when I look at the big picture, and fret over what the future holds. Feel free to message me any time you need someone to talk to.
     
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