Why not?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Aug 16, 2009.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    This question pops into my head on a constant basis "why not?", everyday I am depressed and paranoid, despite my efforts to improve myself. When I pause and reflect, almost every moment has been riddled with fear, depression, anxiety, any other negative emotion I can't think of right now...I would truly be better off dead.

    I'd rather end it now before I snap and do something I would morally regret. I have taken two Klonopin, so I am pretty calm while writing this message. But I just know, in the face of superlatives, I'd rather not exist.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear about your anguish.

    The only thing getting me through are anti-anxiety meds. and this site. Has anything changed in the last few years? Maybe a change in meds. would help. Any chance of that? If you want to vent or talk privately please feel free to send me a pm.

    I hope you have better days ahead!
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Hey shades, I read your thread and am truly sorry about your situation. I'd rather not burden you with my problems. Thanks for your support though :)
  4. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    I struggle with this kind of anxiety too... anytime I stop and think, it is always terror/despair/frustration that comes into my head. Even when I try to stay occupied I feel distracted... there is just no rest.

    Do you have a therapist? Mine has helped me a bit with relaxation exercises. Its not quite the relief I would want ideally, but its enough to keep me going.
  5. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Yeah the anxiety sucks, doesn't it? Yes, I do have a therapist. But I'm not sure how much he is really helping. Anxiety is almost impossible to beat when you are a perfectionist, like me. I have some anti-anxiety meds, they*sometimes* help, but more often than not I am a mental mess.
  6. Shifa Ally

    Shifa Ally New Member

    look, relax!
    Get out a notebook and write down EVERYTHING your worried about. Then put it to one side.
    Get a hot bath, relax, have your favourite food, some hot chocolate. Maybe watch a movie, anything that will take your mind of whatever your worried about.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2009
  7. jeff2674

    jeff2674 Member

    Well your perfectionism is creating your anxiety. And what could be the worst thing that could happen to you if you aren't perfect? What could be worse than killing yourself?

    Whenever I am in a bad situation and filled with anxiety I stop myself, take a few steps back and look at the 'big picture'. I then think 'what could the worst possible (feasible) outcome be?' Once I answer that question the anxiety seems to go away.

    Also what you can do is when you feel the panic come upon you, sit down in a quiet room, close your eyes, find a pleasing, peaceful, relaxing memory and focus on it. Focus on it in intimate detail while breathing in with your nose and out with your mouth. Do this for as long as it takes, and if you feel the anxiety come back, then go back and do it again.

    What are you doing with this is not just relaxing yourself but you are retraining your mind so that when anxiety and panic hits, it will automatically shift into these peaceful thoughts. It may take time but this does work.
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