I've always thought about suicide, it has been a daily thing in my life for a few years now. Then, it was for different reasons, now I just feel like I've dragged life out as much as I can. I enjoy life to a reasonable extent, and I look forward to the future. But. There's always the but - I know that things won't work the way I want them to. The future would be better without me, everyone, my friends and family, would be better of if I weren't there. I can visualise their futures, and I simply don't fit in. I can't change that, and I don't think I want to. My siblings are the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. But everyone experiences grief, every teenager has a friend who died and I think I am that one. Death is the only realistic option.