Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anti, Dec 18, 2010.
Why the hell not
Because suicide really isn't painless. Stay on sf and talk about it.
and its the pain that needs to leave,,, not you my friend
Suicide is never a option, I know you just want the pain to go away and just carry life on with out suffering, if you stick around on Suicide Forums we will be able to help and support you with what you are going through make life a little easier for you, where always hear for you no matter what *sending you loades of hugs*
It ain't pain. There ain't really enough pain. It's a startling amount of complacency that's pushing me. I cant get work and I dont have interest in anything else, without something to occupy it my minds been drifting to darker and darker parts of my subconscious and it's sort of scaring the hell out of me. I wake up pissed off. I keep putting myself in the minds of executed prisoners and victims. It's the only shit that even interests me anymore. I give serious deliberation to putting a bullet in the head of the useless crusty fucks who surround my environment while they're asleep. Maybe my environments not helping, but I don't feel at home anywhere else. Most of the time I don't even feel like I'm the same species as the rest of the people in society. I've been distracting myself from myself for as long as I can remember. It was things like television when I was young, but I moved up to drinking and using. And I don't even really care. I don't have any interest in artistic pursuits and there's an urge for thrill thats lacking in my life. Everything just seems too damn insignificant. I've been noticing I've been getting more and more self destructive to fill that void, it especially comes out when substances are involved. I tried to steal a car the other night for no particular reason. I threatened to stab a peer of mine because I was tired of him talking to me. I forgot to sleep tonight because I was too busy researching executions. My goal's been to do something productive and share my findings but I just end up wanting to keep it to myself. It's not helping but it's all that's on my mind. When you gaze into the abyss, right? I've been staring the abyss down pretty damn hard for a while because I dont like anything else I see. I don't know if I'm going to off myself, maybe the fact that I'm sitting and ranting to nobody in particular demonstrates that I'm not. But at this rate, if I don't, I'm definitely going to destroy myself. And I'm too apathetic to change it.
Wow, the words in bold could've been mine. All I really watch is the Investigation Discovery channel, think I'm subconsciously desensitizing myself to death.
I also got pretty self-destructive, drank and drove just for fun, smoked pot and drove just for fun, did dangerous shit like climb buildings drunk which ultimately led to my accident.
I'm what you might become if you continue usin the "dont give a damn" mentality... physically and mentally broken and certain death isn't far away. Keep that in mind.