why persist?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 731eta, Aug 4, 2015.

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  1. 731eta

    731eta New Member

    I'm almost 29 years old and I've never had a girlfriend and I am a virgin. I don't have any friends that I hang out with - the only social interaction I have is with the people at work. I live alone in my own house. The best education I've managed is a general associates degree from my local community college. I have a decent working class job that supports me well, and I have over $10k saved up.

    I can't go on living the way I do. I have dealt with depression my whole life, have had multiple hospital visits, including a suicide attempt over 5 years ago. The only thing stopping me now is the fact that I have all this crap at my house that I don't want to leave behind for my clueless family to have to deal with. I've got three "project cars" and parts everywhere, not to mention some attention that my house needs. I don't want to be a jerk and leave a big mess behind.

    So why am I here? I don't know. I guess I feel like I want people to support me in my decision to die, but I understand this forum is not about that. I virtually never talk about my feelings with anybody, so I figure I'd put them out there and see what response there is.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am glad you found us and posted. This IS what this forum is about- supporting peple that have lost will or reasons to live. While no, you wil not find support to die, if you read that same note on FB or saw a story on the news that said " A good person with secient job, a decet education, and hobbies of working on project cars in spare time while having ample savings and money to live on wants t commit suicide" I suspect you would think was not a great idea as well- because it was not you. Because it is your life you know you are not content and and are not feeling like life is fulfilling enough. Why?

    Depression does suck, and i am not sure how you are dealing with it- are you still seeing therapist taking meds? Many get in a revolving cycle of go hospital- do the meds and therapy thing- feel better- stop meds and therapy- then sink down again and repeat. If that is the situation then the answer is simple- make meds/therapy part of your lifestyle, just like people with chronic physical conditions do, they take blood pressure pills, insulin, thyroid medications, whatever it is that needs treating to prevent the physical condition from worsening or recurring. If they do not they become physically ill again and end up back in the hospital. If they are taking the meds and stuff as prescribed and feel worse they go back to the Dr and get different meds to treat the physical condition until they do feel well again.

    So far as getting a relationship/girlfriend, If after 29 years of doing whatever it is you do to try to find a girlfriend you have not been successful, then it is time to try a different approach. Use some of your savings to go out and do some things that interest you and give the opportunity to meet a girlfriend, go on a singles tour/cruise, spend more time at social places or clubs- Hard to give practical advice because all that you shared is that you never had a girlfriend but not what you have tried or how you spend your free time to have an idea what direction to go.

    I hope you continue to post and share.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
  3. 731eta

    731eta New Member

    People don't want to be around me because I'm not a fun person to be around. It's just a fact. I can do all the therapy in the world and get my brain all fixed up on medication but nothing will ever fix my shitty introverted personality that seems to make people wary of me. I've tried making a profile on a couple dating sites but no girl ever checks me out or sends a message, and any girl that I think I would be interested in is either fat/ugly or else it's clear to me that I'm not the kind of guy they want. Women always seem to want to some funny, interesting guy who can make them laugh. I love reading some of these profiles with a caveat at the end, "don't message me if you're boring." Well, okay then. I literally have never had a social life and never go out to just try and find a girl to talk with. I just have nothing to say to them anymore. If you don't come off as some fun loving dude you are pegged as a loser, and besides, for every attractive girl there are 100 guys out there trying to get her attention. Depression screwed me over in high school, and my parents were too dimwitted to get me the professional help I needed, much less bother to have a mature conversation about anything. It's like it doesn't even bother them that I have no friends or never had a real girl friend, but everything is okay because I have a decent job and I own my own house. If I tell them I want to kill myself they just get mad, saying I don't appreciate all I have going for me and that I need to stop thinking about myself and think about others.
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Thats where you need to change your attitude. Alot people think online dating is easiest way to get a date. For booty calls yes it is for some sites. It takes alot of work in communication online and irl

    But one thing to keep in mind.... how many men and women are in your shoes wondering the same thing youre wondering on the other side of the screen. Just lower your standards when looking at photos

    I just stopped trying those online sites n bam years ago I got into a relationship without looking.
     
  5. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I can only speak for what I believe, but perhaps you keep persisting with everything is because you are trying to find some meaning in your life, something that you want to accomplish. That you say you have three projects on the go (at once, I presume) could be a reason that once you started them, you might feel ashamed if you do not see them to their end, so you work on them because it gives your life some kind of meaning, even if it is just as a hobby or anything that you started doing them for and do not want to give up half way through.

    I do not have friends either, in fact, the nearest person that I could call an actual friend are my cats, but then, I have never been one much for social interactions, even though having only cats to talk to can be pretty lonely and depressing at times.
    But the thing with not having a girlfriend, I know everyone says that if you have patience and one day you will meet someone you can fall in love with (and possibly get married) but really, there is nothing wrong with being single. One does not need a significant other just because they see other people around who have someone they love, it is all in the mindset of the individual, what makes them content at this very moment. Wen the time comes, maybe you will find start a relationship with someone, but do not just do it because of the wrong reasons (ie to fit in with the crowd or trying to fill some gap in your life) - that is not what it means to be in love or love someone, and is just playing with another persons heart.
    It does not matter that you are a virgin or no; no matter the age. It will happen when you are ready for it, so you should not place much emphasis on it.
     
  6. 731eta

    731eta New Member

    I haven't really touched my project cars in months. I just want them out of my life, which is what I'm going to start working on. I've finally decided once and for all that everything is going to be sold so my family won't have to deal with it.

    Writing a screenplay was something that I really wanted to accomplish, and I've been making a rough outline and writing dialogue for years now, but the chances of some producer actually want to make an original movie these days seem pretty slim. Again, I've hardly touched it for months.

    It matters a great deal that I am almost 30 and a virgin, that I've never had a girlfriend, and that I don't have friends! What the hell, dude? It signifies my failure to develop meaningful relationships, to have a normal sex drive and desire to pursue companionship. It's not like my "life path" has just been diverted and it will simply happen later; my life hit a wall. Girls just aren't in to quiet guys like me. I've accepted that, and now I'd appreciate it if my pathetic existence could just end quietly and painlessly.
     
  7. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Well, if you want them out of your life, then you can just get rid of them. Sell them, scrap them, it matters not. There are surely other things that you are interested in right now that you could take up instead to occupy your time and mind. As for the screenplay, who says a producer will not be interested in it. When you started it, you must have had big confidence in it otherwise you would not have started in the first place and if you go on thinking that it is not worth anything, then naturally, no one else would be interested in it. What sells is the script only in part, the biggest thing that makes people want to pick up a script is the confidence and self-esteem people have in themselves in that their work is good enough to even think about turning it over to a production company. If you do not have that, then of course no one else will be interested. But instead of stopping it, you should just write it, even if it is for your own enjoyment, which is what I do with the books that i write. While some have and never will see the day light, the fact has not changed that I wrote them and even if they will only ever be for my own enjoyment, does not change the fact that a lot of work went into them and they should be preserved, or just hand them out to your friends. You could do the same to your friends and/or family. You took the time to write the, so even if no producer picks them up, you can still share them with people close to you. I admit, that is not the same as having it turned into a #1 movie or what have you, but even if they bring those nearest you some sort of enjoyment, then the work you have done on it has been worth it.
     
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