Why play games??

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by painpaingoaway, Apr 11, 2010.

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  1. I am at the end of the road. Been close to here before, but this time it's acceptance. I just can't go on living like this. I suck.

    This weekend - I go home, fly 1000km to my home town. A girl from home has been txting me and keeping in contact with me regularly. Tells me she wants to see me. Wants to catch up. We've hooked up before, and I enjoyed it so much. But I am really nervous going back to my home town, because every time I do, I feel so lonely, and have massive anxiety attacks because I am constantly reminded of bad memories, and how much of a loser I am. I really don't want to go back home. Despite this, I play along. I get really optimistic. I text her back telling her I miss her like crazy as well. This goes on for two weeks, until I arrive back home. Then, something changes. Her attitude changes. we catch up, I get affectionate, not much in return. There's this weirdness there. Ignoring texts and leaving them a long time to be answered. Texts which she said I could send, or stated that we could do it. Excuses given, which I know aren't the case. Somethings up. I let out my feelings. I apologize for a number of things which my brain thinks it's doing. I try to get inside her head. But I feel pushy and bad for doing it. Above all else, I feel pathetic for klinging on to something that clearly isn't there. I care really deeply. I just don't want to hurt her, or make her feel uncomfortable. I can't stand these games.

    This is the second time it's happened. I feel like shit. It won't be getting better.

    This isnt' the only reason, I guess it just encapulates a false positivity and naiiveity that has been the only thing that's kept me going to this point. It's time to give up. I feel comfortable finally. I have my plans. This is the end.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi and sorry your having such a bad time of things. Matter of romance really get me down so I can relate to you a lot.

    Sounds like maybe she is having second thoughts or is dealing with something in her life right now, hard to say.

    If it is causing you this much pain maybe you need to back off a bit for your sake as you don't deserve this much pain.

    If you want to talk more I am here to listen.

    Be gentle with yourself, you deserve lots of love and if it can't be found there then there is someone special out there for you, you just got hang in there to find them.
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