urgh i wanna do it so badly right now. I just wanna burst into tears but i can't. Need to do work and cant. I was actually happy awhile ago, mum was going on about getting a job and i know one where i can get alot of money in a short about of time. But now im soooo fucking close to killing myself. ALOT closer than friday night. Well mums and step dad have gone to bed, guess ima have to see what happens. Sure i'll find a way to do something self destructive wether it be self harming worse than before or some other shit and to be perfectly i couldn't give a flying fuck about it anymore. From today i aint gonna be close to anyone, no one gets hurt. Gradually able to slip away then disappear. No one will know then eh. Or just do a disappearing act like before, not that it lasted long. Gotta do it right this time. I seriously feel worse than that night. Fuck it, why not. Gonna happen sooner or later. Why pro long the inevitable.