Why should I bother...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    ... Going to family gatherings? Whatever the reason behind it?

    It sucks being me. First of all - I know it's the day celebrated as "Fathers Day" where I am. That hurts before I start as I haven't seen my son since Jan 2007. Has done every year, just like his birthday. But while that's pretty tough in itself, I then have to consider that I have a dad - he doesn't deserve to miss out on my company because of that.

    So I go. I make up the numbers (his 4 kids there). But like 6 out of the last 7 (today being number 7) fathers day's that I haven't seen my son, there has been absolutely no mention of the fact that biologically... I am one. Certainly a way to make me feel like crap and compound the knowledge that I don't see him. Of all people, the one person who did say it, and this was 2 years ago - it was only my dad. Is it any wonder I'm reasonably ok with children of 2 years old? Or that I want to help my sister out with her kids at times? When I just don't see my own, and what i've missed out on with him.

    And that's not the worst bit. There's some banter - as there usually is, but often it's likened to be about anyone who's there. Some can handle it better than others (how people react to these verbal bullies is questionable for that - but that's a different topic altogether), but when there has been a long time with it - it gets boring, and can influence how a person turns out - because they get fed up of hearing the lies, masked by 'joke format' or 'sarcasm'. That's what i'm seeing it as now with my own family.

    It's that stupid I'll turn round one day and snap at them. Yes. I'll end up blaming them for how I am because i'm fed up to the back teeth (pardon the pun.. I have none), of being disrespected by those around me. Is it any wonder that I isolate myself through this all? Is it any wonder that I am more alone around my bio family than I am around other people?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Important...I have similar, although not as painful experiences, when my friends brag that they are going for dancing lessons, doing sports I used to love, etc., and I am in a wheel chair now...I think this is just human nature and probably not as malice as it feels..so sorry about your son...I am sure you have done what you can to repair the situation...I tend to hide on these days as I had horrific parents...glad it is only one day, and wish you had contact with your son...best regards
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Your family sounds similar to my immediate family... they're constantly talking about people, whether those people are there or not. Laughing at them, making snide remarks, trying to disguise insults as jokes. It's why I try to avoid gatherings on that particular side of the family.