Why should I continue living?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by depressedGirl, Oct 7, 2009.

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  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to post on here. I keep saying I am feeling suicidal and I must sound like an attention seeking brat as I am 19 years old but I have no reason to live anymore. First of I know people would probably miss me. I feel they wouldn't but feelings don't make it true.
    I have also come to the terms I have spilt personality.
    However I can not take no more. The suicidal urges are getting worse and I just see no point in continuing on anymore. I haven't had an epileptic fit for ages but now I feel ill and light headed and I am scared that I will have another. I know also that even if I do have the right tablets I will still have epileptic fits and classed as epilepsy so why should I continue to live? Also the anti depressants don't work, counselling don't work and I am suppose to see a psychiatrist as well but I keep getting lost. Maybe I just deserve to suffer.
    All I do cry and self harm and drink or gamble. I have nothing better to do and cutting helps too. I know my family are disappointed at me for cutting again but how would they react when they know I am so tempted to commit suicide and at the same time I don't want to because even though I am not too releigious I know I will either go into nothing when I die or go to hell.
    I am saying this because dead or not I will not find happiness. I used to be happy but this was before everything went wrong. I started having epileptic fits, I lost my Nephew and now my sister might be losing Sara (my Niece) and I might never see her again.The social services are thinking of taking her away. My Sister never hurts Sara. In fact she thinks the world of her and was crying to my Mum that this has happened. All because she had headlice and had a stain down her jumper. My Sister loves that child and I know that for a fact but that doesn't solve nothing. I can't do anything either. She is in Wales and I am in Nuneaton. I wish I could do something but then since when have I done anything right. I might go to my doctors and tell them my anti depressants are not working but then I doubt he would care.
    My friend never met me and I feel there is no point in living anymore Everything seems to go wrong and I am really tempted to do something. If there is a God/Goddess then he/she doesn't care about me and if there isn't well then there is no point in carrying on. Every night I go to sleep wishing I would die. Wishing that or that something good would happen. Then again why should anything good happen to me? I always suffer. I deserve it though.
    I have someone I love more then anything. I would give up everything I have. Even my own soul and heart for him to love me but it is no good. I haven't asked him out because why would he go out with someone as worthless and pathetic and fat and ugly person like me.
    I just can't take no more. I am sorry for even bothering you...
    Goodbye... :sad::shower::sadwave:
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    sounds rough. also sounds like your taking other peoples troubles on your own shoulders. you dont need to blame yourself for this.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug: Please stay and spend time here. Keep going to the doctor and taking your meds. Things do change, some good, some bad. This is not a reflection on you, it is the reality we all face in life.
  4. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Like I will have to suffer forever.
  5. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    Hiya! i read your original thread, and its a hard thing to read ( emotionally ).

    Dont take any concern about psychoanalysing yourself with mental disorder. Allow yourself to break away from trying to label yourself. There should be no stigmatisation if you are classified as someone with split personality, but try to keep strong minded about yourself.

    Unfortunately, Epilepsy is something we just need to live with and accept when we have it. My friend is epileptic, he suffers from them and sometimes goes through the same symptoms as you. I almost lost him due to it. many suffer from it too and you can overcome any bad emotions regarding it. :)

    What is meant by keep getting lost? No one deserves to suffer. NO one at all. But taking your life isnt the way to solve it either.

    The true facts with your sister should be very apparent to the social worker, and with some investigations, your sister should have a strong winning battle in keeping her daughter.

    The bliss of life is that you can create happiness. Do the things in life you want to do, dont wait around for things to happen. Why dont you get talking more to the guy you like? show interest and find his response. If he doesnt return any similar emotions with you, then just let it be. Over time you might change your views about him, or might find someone just as good. You are 19... you have a full life ahead of you and you will bump into millions of people. Keep head high about it all! :D

    Looks and size are only a small proportion of it all... and those who seek relationships just on looks either have a slight immaturity to them and are not right for a relationship yet, or just shallow and self centred. If you are concerned about your weight you know what to do!

    Keep in touch. Hope things start looking brighter sooner rather than later!

  6. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey there, first of all, don't be sorry for posting here. By happy for it, it's always good to let it all out, and we're here to hear you. I hope you stick around and keep talking to us, I'm sure you'll make some friends out here.

    You shouldn't feel unworthy of living because of your epilepsy. It's not something you brought upon yourself, you were born with it. Bad luck surely, but you can live with it, alot of people do. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and right now it's giving me so much pain I can't get out of bed. Does that make me unworthy of living? Hell no! In a few days I'll be better and resume my life the best I can. If you end up having an epilepsy attack (and I hope you don't!) You'll pull through and then resume yor life, because you deserve to be happy.

    Hun, I understand you care about your sister and understand you want to help her to get her daughter back. and while Im all for it, you have to realise you have plenty of enough troubles to worry about on your own. Drinking, gambling, self-harm and suicide feelings is never a good combo. You should help your sister in whatever she needs, but you must try to keep your mind away front it as possible. You can only do so much for your sister if you're not a lawyer so it's better if you focus on your own problems and let those who can make a difference worry about your sister. I know it sounds bad, but for your own sake, it's the best option.

    Keep posting my friend, we'll be here for ya.
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