Why should I go on!?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AngelofPainandMisery, Oct 22, 2015.

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  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I just spent an hour crying and cutting.
    I don't want to do this anymore. It will only get worse, if I had only ended it yesterday, the day before maybe I would have never known.
    I was so stupid! Everything was a lie, and I was gulible enough to believe it, stupid enough to hope! After all I've been through, I must only deserve more and more pain. I want this to end, but it never will!
    I want to close my eyes and never wake up, maybe I won't. I dont even deserve something that nice, no I deserve pain!
    I have nothing to live for, nothing.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Astrid, No one deserves pain, you do have something to live for, not everything was a lie, I do not believe that you are gullible, I do not believe that you are stupid, I do not want you to keep cutting, crying I can't control myself, that I cannot help you with, maybe we can cry together some time? I had a conversation with you last night remember I have a story to share with you, if you had left yesterday I could not have shared it tomorrow or the next day!;) I would like to wish only the best for you! You are stronger then you believe!
     
  3. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Thank you, I don't know what to say anymore.
     
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Astrid, I do not discount your feelings, I understand them, I know that you are hurting, it shows in what you say and how you say it
    I believe you when you say you don't know where you are going, I at this time in my life don't know where I am going either, I am lost, I feel that I am at the end of my road, there are no more adventures for me, I don't look forward to the next day, I don't even think about it! I go to bed at night an I fall asleep within 5 minutes more or less generally, I could care less if I wake up in the morning! In saying this I want you to know I am not complaining, it is just that I feel my life is close to it's end! I am not planning anything, I have made no arrangements, I just pay my bills when they are due and if I am here next month I will pay them again! it is simple some days I just cry half the day, the other half I go out and cut firewood enough for a couple be cause it might be raining the next day or two. I cannot read anymore I started reading a book about 2 months ago, I have not even started the 2nd chapter! shrugs, I have not even thought about it, until I just saw it about 10 minutes ago. Some life huh? Astrid, please be easy on yourself, the world is bad enough without you blaming yourself for things that you did not do! Please be safe!
     
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  5. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I loved to read, I used to read a 300+ page book a day. Now I can't even read a single page.
    I wish I could have something good happen in my life.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You need to try and make that be a reality for you rather than an empty wish. If you could do something good for your life what would that be? You're the exact same age as my little sister, if i even had an inkling she was feeling this way i'd have the mental health services involved very quickly, i just wish there was something i could do to help you feel not in such pain, if i can do anything then please just let me know :)
     
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Astrid, I believe that you have had something good happen in your life! Astrid, 22 days ago you registered in this forum, I think, I may be wrong,, I think you have been challenged here, I know some people in here care for you a great deal! I think that you have had something good happen in your life! several times over, I realize that with all you have going on that some times it is hard to realize and see what it is we have, you have to sit back and look at all that is involved here, you have people that care for you very much, they have reached out their hands to you and offered hands in friendship, in trust as well, please see that this is valuable, some people would give a lot to have what you have here in this room, you are safe here, you have been comforted,people have cared for you and talked to you as you have in return to them, no price or value can be put on any of the goodness that we all receive from others here,
    it gives me a great deal of satisfaction knowing that I have made someone smile or give someone else the same consideration with a kind word or just a Thank You! One day Astrid I truly hope that you can sit down an read a book again, an when you finish look up and smile and say,I enjoyed that story! I really wish that for you! Thank You for listening and know that I do care for and about you!
    Please be kind to yourself and try to be gentle as well!
     
  8. Rookie

    Rookie Active Member

    I am so sorry that you are struggling right now...

    There are things that you can look forward to.... Shared laughs, sunrises, beauty of the world in insignificant things and most importantly the love that may be waiting around the corner.

    I will not lie and say that everyone struggles to the extent that you are now, but not everyone who is struggling in the way you are, has the strength to share with people.

    Know that you are stronger than many and with this strength you can do incredible things!

    Stay safe and my best wishes are with you xx
     
  9. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    You are right you and others here have helped me otherwise after what happened yesterday, I would not have decided to ask my mom to have me committed, and I probably would have instead attempted. I asked her and I think after my ACT tomorrow, I will be going to the treatment center. But thank you :)
    If I had not joined, if I had not talked to you guys, I don't think I would be here now, deciding to get treatment and hope that I won't be scarred for life or further traumatized like in the past, thank you :)
     
  10. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively


    Thank you, I'd like to think and hope so.
     
  11. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Astrid, Thank you! I am crying from happiness, You go Girl! I know that you are going to have some tough times ahead, we will be waiting, I hope that you take care of yourself Astrid, I hope that you yourself have the same hope an can look forward not back but hope you can build a good future for yourself! Maybe some day you can help others or maybe work with your animals, Please don't give up!
    Several of us in here know the inner strength you have, you will need it but you can do it Astrid! Be Gentle to yourself Astrid, You are indeed a good person!It has been great working an talking with you!
     
  12. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Thank you, I hope so too!!
     
  13. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member


    Astrid, I want to change something, You are not a Good Person, You are A good and Beautiful Person, You really are someone Special!
    I will not ask for a promise, I know that you already have some you are supposed to Keep Remember You are smart and Beautiful, Keep that in your mind! never let go of that! May Your life be Peaceful!
     
  14. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Thank you, thank you so much :)
     
  15. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Astrid, we have to stop meeting like this, lol! people are going to get suspicious ;) I hope I am not the only one!
    Don't forget I will have a story maybe 2 for you! Willow Whisper an Skeeta Dew, I may post it for you on here!
    Bye Astrid!
     
  16. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Lol, I look forward to it :)
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Astrid, I just want to say I hope you are feeling better today and more positive, please let us know how you are, we care about you a lot. Have the thoughts subsided? (hugs either way)
     
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