Why should I live (if I can't achieve my dream)?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Why should I live if I can't achieve dream?

    No one has given me a real reason.

    You see I've been doing all I can to go to college to get my four year degree, I completed courses for my two year degree, so I should only need to take two more years of classes, however, my choices have become more and more limited.
    My first college I'd hoped to go to was as I was lied to, not a public but a private college and therefore would cost considerably more and I would be unable to afford it as I will not take out loans and accept debt as an option.
    Second college, a state college that accepted me under transfer articulations, was ready to accept all my credits and yet, I was receiving a large amount of financial aid from my two year school based on the fact that I needed it since I couldn't afford it but the four year school will not provide me with any financial help, basically stating that I can't afford a two year school that cost half as much but I can afford their school.
    My option of a satellite school turned out not to be an option an at all.
    My last option, a school that only accepts transfer students in the fall, has yet to inform me if I was accepted at all and while I am trying to find that out, I have no guarantee that they will offer me any financial aid either.

    If I am accepted to my last option, I will spend the spring semester (this semester) getting any grants and scholarships I can while entering essays and contests.
    But I have only a slightly above average GPA, I am middle class, white, with no former wins in any art contests before.
    I am basically average and my art stinks.

    So if I am unable to attend college I will not have the degree needed to get my foot in the door to even start at an entry level position.

    So why should I live if I can't achieve my dream?
    To be clear, if I can't achieve my dream I will become a recluse ( a shut-in), so the possibility of meeting someone and 'falling in love' is impossible.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have some experience on admission committees, so if I can help please send me a PM...J
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I am afraid not, not unless you can go back in time.
    My options are greater than I thought but so are my capacities for debt.

    My best 'financial' option, as far as cheapest college, is my back up state school ( not a full art school, just has art programs) which I've found I don't care much for but I want my degree.

    My next best option, a public art college, it has some boasting of it's own, including a high percentage of students who find work related to or in their field in six months after graduation, however, it is more expensive than the state school and I have no idea if I've been accepted yet as I've received no letter or email saying so. I was sent a letter stating that my application for spring could not be considered until the fall, so if I wanted to be considered they would but that was more than a month ago, I plan to call them tomorrow to find out but if they haven't even looked at my application and portfolio, I will have very long to wait.

    My last option,a private art school, the most expensive and I also don't know if I was accepted to them yet either. But a private college graduate, even with a bachelors degree has some bragging rights and carries some weight with it.

    I had been so depressed and my mother was of course no help, she kept urging me to go to the state school since it was the cheapest I convinced myself I have no other option, however, the state school told me they have the wrong social security number on file and I had to fax them my real one so now I am unsure if I will receive any financial aid from them either because it is so late and classes for me start thursday and if I don't know where I am with either art school by thursday or my financial status for the state school I am unsure of what I can do.
    I don't want to take out any loans, some have tried to tell me I have no choice but I believe otherwise.
    I would rather wait one semester, working to get as many grants, scholarships, internships, and save as much money as possible so I can afford college without debt then take out a single loan.

    Of course if I can't afford any college, at all, then I will have no chance at my future as it's very hard to become a professional artist without a degree these days so I will have few choices left and will kill myself.
  4. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    I can understand not wanting to be in debt...it's a hard hole to dig yourself out of. But is death better than that? If you took out a student loan, and then later were unable to pay it back, you still have that option. While if you did it now, who knows, maybe you would have been able to pay the debt back without hardship and would have cheated yourself of your dream solely because you didn't think you could. If that makes sense.

    What kind of art?
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Well I am more relaxed ( not much though), now, as I have more options. I was turned down by the private art college, but the state art college hasn't responded so they might still accept me and if not I might transfer to a satellite school, basically take classes for a bachelors degree in my previous college.
    I need to explain how poor I am. My community college was offering me help, basically all of it, now, a year of classes there cost about 4,000 dollars, so if the community college thought I couldn't afford them, why would any school think I could afford them?

    I do graphic art, a little like comic art but I also like some of the digital art work, including working with varying typography.
  6. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Cool, I went to school for graphic art too, only I just got a certificate - one year's worth of education. I never got a job with it, but I still love Photoshop and still use Pagemaker for personal use, even if my versions are outdated. Of course I got in under AWEE (Arizona Women's Education and Employment). Maybe there's something like that that could be available for you? Hopefully with better results :)

    And yah, I understand about poor. $4k is a lot of money. Hell, $50 is a lot of money these days.

    Maybe if you call and call and call the state school, your name and situation would stick in the fronts of their minds more. Could do the same for financial aid. Persistence is more likely to pay off than just waiting for something to happen. They might just pass you through just to stop the constant calls, but even if they tell you to go to hell, at least you'd know. I think maybe not knowing is the worst, since it leaves you in a limbo of uncertainty.

    I dunno, I keep dishing out advice but you're free to tell me to shove it. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut :) Hope you don't mind.
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    My current situation is...improved in comparison to my previous.
    I now only have two options, but they're more realistic and more within my grasp, but would still allow me the degree I require to get into my field.

    However, financial aid is the issue.
    That is why I plan to spend this semester looking up and applying for every grant and scholarship possible, also I plan to look for every legitimate art contest or even writing contest available, art contests are hard to find though.
  8. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Good luck, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm pretty good at proofreading :)
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    No. My dream is pretty much impossible anyhow, I am a terrible artist.
  10. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Let me see some samples? Sounds like you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself. If something inspires you, then do what you need to to pursue it.
  11. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    No good samples of my recent stuff.
    My computer is out and my scanner is only hooked up to my computer.
    It doesn't matter, I know I am terrible.
    I am 21, I should be better, but I am not.