Why should i live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Unlimited, Apr 28, 2011.

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  1. Unlimited

    Unlimited New Member

    I know you guys don't really know me and these questions have been posted a million times but i really dont know what to do anymore.

    I am 16, and i look like im 14. First off this makes me angry and i have been made fun of it a few times by upper classman (im in highschool right now) and that bothers me. This really isnt a huge affect on my outlook on life, plus i can see changes, more voice cracks etc. But anyways lets get back to the topic at hand.

    First(Girls):I honestly look normal, i think i look quite good. One think that pesters me is that i used to be in the "cool" group. I had an amazing girlfriend a ton of friends and i loved my life. Ever since people started hitting puberty i stopped flirting with girls, and them with me. I really want a girlfriend and i havnt had one in a few years and i just hate having no relationship.

    Second(School): I used to be extreemly smart, all a student, all my teachers loved me, and i really wanted to succeed in school and life! Now i wake up every morning and literally cringe at the thought of having to go to that terrible school. I am failing almost all of my classes, and i have no want to succeed in my life and there is nothing i want to do in ym future.

    Third(Body): As i said, i am VERY pre mature and that bothers me. Also i am 5'7 maybe even 5'8 and im barley 100 pounds. It bothers me how freakeshly skinny i am. I have tried to gain weight but i cant, and all i do is sit around and play video games all day!

    Fourth(Lifestyle): I used to have a great and active lifestyle. Get home from a great day at school, skateboard, hang with great friends, hang with girlfriend, ride dirtbikes, play some video games on the side, and just enjoy life. Now i get home from a depressing day at school, go to my room, turn off the lights and play video games from like 4:30 to 7. Then i eat dinner with my family (mom&dad). Go back and play video games untill like 10. Then i normally get off and go to bed around 11, and i lie there for like 4 hours. All i really do i smoke weed and play video games all day

    Fifth(Wants):Clearly i want a lot of things, and my dad always talks about the great times he had and i just wish i could live his life. All i really want is to have friends, be able to ride my dirt bike and hang out with friends. But i just sit at home and play video games all day! I have tried so hard to hang out with friends. I just dont even enjoy it. When i do i just feel bored and like a third wheel, and wish i was at my home. I have recently gotten into programming c++ and i fail terribly at that. That is really dissapointing because i had a hope in my future (Coding and programming)

    Sixth(Family): my parents fought with my sister for like the last 3 years of her living with us because she started to use acid and ecstacy heavily and they hated it. They loved her and myself to death but i juts feel so much like they spend all there time on her! Just the thought of this makes me want to cry and i hate how no matter how much she says she hates them they just try even hard to please her and i feel like i am just in the background. Something to deal with later. I think this might be because i am so quiet and afraid to express my feelings because i cry so easily and it emberasses me.


    Conclusion: I know i really didnt express how terrible my life is, and honestly it could be amazing, but depression runs in my family and i think that affects alot of me. I have been on meds, and they really helped for a while, but i stopped taking them and i realyl dont want to start again. I really cant explain how much i despise going to school. I think seeing all my friends together makes me feel teriible that im not with them anymore, as they are all on sports team etc.. Obviously, by reading my posts all i really could possibly want is my life back. Please dont suggest me going and trying to hang out with my old friends or anything, it just isnt me. I didnt really express how much i use marijuana in this post, but when i cant afford weed my life also just seems like 5x more boring because it just enhances everything. Please dont ask me to quit smoking weed because i also wont do that. I dont want to seem like i am not trying to put forth an effort. But i really just dont WANT to change my life. I think i am to depressed to, no matter how much i want it to change. My parents love me more than i could possibly imagine, but i think it is just how terrible my outlook on furute is, it just makes me hate my life. I havnt actually seriously thought about scuicide, but it is in my mind more and more every day. I am sure i will go to sleep, and think of 100 more things to post, but i am honestly kind of emotional from typing this stuff so i will leave it at this. If you read all of my post i really appretiate it... Please post back :/

    :mortd:
     
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Why did it all change? What happened that you stop living, is there a reason?

    Your probably not going to want to hear this, BUT PUT THE GAME CONTROLLER DOWN AND NOONE GETS HURT, LOL. I have a 12 year old son that would play all day, wont go outside and hang unless I make him and I see how he could easily fall into just playing and nothing else, no friends, no activities, no nothing but video games, call of duty to be specific.

    Force yourself to be social again, try to stop smoking that in itself is a depressant, I know I smoke to.

    Your life is so worth living, your still young and have so much more to experience yet. I can name a few that is probably at the top of your list, but I wont.

    So your small for your age, your only 16 and some dont start coming into their man body until they are older maybe that will be you. I know you say your dont want to try medications again but you also said they worked and helped so why not give yourself atleast that. When you were on your meds, did you also go through therapy?

    I guess what Im saying is that you still have time in your life to do, change, want, get, need, obtain anything in your life that you set out to do. Its just up to you on how hard and how much you achieve. I do wish you luck and hope that you continue to reach out here.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    1. stop using weed it is a unmotivated drug why you don't want to succeed you don't want to try anymore
    2. Get back on the meds depression is chemical with meds your brain returns to the normal balance and you can function better meds treat your symptoms and you go back to being who you were before
    3 im sorry your parents are so busy with your sister i feel bad for my son as well as i have spent so much time with my daughter. the thing is they are trying their best and you need to remind them you need their help too hun they are overwhelmed thats all they love you as much as your sister
    4 You can make changes it has to start with YOU okay meds getting off the weed getting help with school get back on the right path okay you went off it a bit now time to change
    YOU are young enough to get healing more changes are on the way for you with your physical appearance and growth your changes happen well up into you twenties
    You can pm me anytime okay hugs
     
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I echo all of DIY's great advice, i just want to add to the above setence if i may.......

    WEED, you know, that stuff that makes you flop on your bed and turn the game on?

    Try and cut down mate, makes you so lazy, gives you no intention, make yourself have pot free days, please.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well, Where to begin?? You need to break the weed habit.. I started smoking when I was thirteen..I was in my thirties before I realised just how much it ruined my life..I lived for getting high..I dropped out of school because I was stoned all the time and couldn't concentrate on anything.. The only subject I was good at was shorthand..lol..I know you don't think weed is addictive but it is.. You live for that next high..I'm fifty four right now and will start smoking again once they legalise it..My useage is for medical reasons..
    As far as your parents focusing on your sister, she has a more serious habit.. It probably breaks there heart battleing the acid trips.. I don't know about ecstacy.. That came along after I quit doing drugs..Don't think for a moment that your parents don't love you..I think you ned to tell them you need some of their affection also..
     
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