why shouldn't i end my life....i have nothing to lose anyway

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shifter, Jun 3, 2009.

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  1. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    you can pm me for full details but i won't write anymore novels for you guys(you have suffered enough and don't need an eye fuck, plus i am wasting your time anyway >_>) Here you will see the short and fast reasoning behind my "unacceptable" behavior. Warning now, I have a very violent nature(being the big dumb hairy ape i am:sad:)

    I am 16(for those of you who do not know/remember....) and i have suffered for over a goddamn decade on this volcanic rock and deplorable suffering sentence called life. here are my reasons to DIE

    *Ultimate relief from all the pain
    *I am a fat tub of lard excuses for a 'guy'(5'9ish and over 200 lbs T_T)
    *I have been picked on since i was 7(long story pm me if u want i will write back.....)
    *I attempted at age 9 and REGRET survival
    *A c**t with a perfect body treats me like shit for no reason, she impregnated my mind and contributes to strong rage i feel on a nearly daily basis
    *I live in shame,humiliation, and anger(i can go in detail upon request but i know u don't care.....)
    *I have lost nearly every fist fight i have ever been in(me my goddamn pride.Im too much like Vegeta in a bad way V_V)
    *I am weak(in every sense of the word) do to various things and the above reason:dry:
    *I am a nobody(literally) without the computer. I do not belong in this world without programs i use to animate and render my animations
    *I am a fat tub of lard
    *Being fat cause me pain when i run out breath to classes
    *I am treated like a criminal(like everyone else cept the girls) at my school
    *I am a fucking hothead and one day might snap and be the next Charles Whitman(guy who killed his mother and shot people from a college tower and the reason the US has a fucking SWAT team)
    *Girls look at like i want to rape them
    *I have 0 self worth
    *I feel like i have no masculinity
    *I cannot assert myself
    *I cannot ask girls i have crushes on out
    *I get angry enough to kill really fucking easily
    *I get ripped on for o reason
    *My teacher used to rip on me and she picks on 1 girl and 3 fucking guys counting me:dry::dry::dry:)
    *My intuition says i will not have a son and die a virgin(which i actually am in today's America)
    *I am failing my classes and need 5+ years of high school so i can't even do school right
    *I screw up way too much
    *I seem to not be able to do anything right
    *I have mood swings for almost a year now ._.
    *I feel like i don't deserve to be noticed on youtube(cause i post my animations there)
    *Its hard to enjoy life
    *I am angry at the world
    *FEW can understand me
    *I am VERY misunderstood
    *I cant fend for myself
    *I have no will to live
    *I am angry when i wake up
    *My school is more concerned with rules than fucking teaching me something
    *what i live for is nothing........
    *My grade school mishandled me as a child and placed me in LD classes due to my EXTREME anger issues and suicidalness(came after the rage problems)

    those were my reasons to die. lets see the ones i should live
    *I inspire people by my animations
    *my family cares
    *my friends care
    *Jodee Blanco cares and bothers to write back to my pathetic hide
    *I can jack off
    *I can stuff my face til this whole in my heart is full
    *I can animate and feel free while doing it(most of the time :s)
    *Wind blowing through my hair is nice

    Death has been justified. I might aswell shoot myself........society doesn't want me anyway T_T
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    One reason to live is worth twenty to die.

    I have much of the same problems. 5'11" and 220 pounds, am failing several classes, have rage issues, etc.

    I know those problems don't seem like they are survivable. But they ARE.

    You have a family and friends that love and care about you, think of what you'd do to them!
  3. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    :unsure: I have become bitter enough to almost care. Do you have the shame guilt over your ass all the time like me? its quite sickening to live at the bottom and be too fucking lazy and unable to do shit about it.....
  4. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Your in a rapidly changing point in your life. Your becoming an adult. I found as I progressed from 14-18 that I become more suicidal as I thought about things more seriously and started playing less and less.

    I can't give you an explanation on what is the purpose of life, or why you have to live. But I can tell that finding things that make you happy will help get rid of your suicidal thoughts.

    Do you know how many people don't even graduate high school? A lot.

    I think you need something in addition to creating animations to make yourself happy. How good are your friends? Do they know you have tried to commit suicide in the past? Can you join a club or sport, TOGETHER with one of your friends?

    I know high school is hard, it really sucks. Let me know if you want to talk.
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I have that feeling sometimes, but it does pass.
  6. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    how? o and i meant not care.....i dunno whats wrong with me but i think im close to insanity. Dammit i hate being a guy X_X almost as much as i despise Michel(the bitch) and life. I hate Michel almost as much as Hitler hated the jewish people. So its a true pure hatred in every sense of the word. If i could i would murder her and probably get sik kicks out of seeing her blood and guts but there goes my messed up fantasies again......
  7. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I don't mean to say I've read all your posts, or have any great insight, but your first point is eh, wrong

    *Ultimate relief from all the pain

    NOBODY knows this to be a FACT.

    I don't mean to be light about it, I'm not, but this is simply something you believe but is actually not fact.

    Good luck with your struggle.
  8. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    well my life is practically a lie. when i wanted to commit suicide at 9 my parents said(even though they never knew i attempted that early) that things will get better after 6th grade. life still sucks and i come to 8th. they say HS is better but all it did was drive me to kill myself again and make me angry enough to kill(which i haven't yet). Not to mention my dwindling health. I might as well end my life before each day becomes more unbearable
  9. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    did you ever have a good day? Was ANY of your life so far even tolerable (maybe without even thinking of it?) Have you read "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle? I'd recommend this or similar before you make your decision...
  10. Shifter

    Shifter Well-Known Member

    when i was a small skinny sane ignorant child i was happy, but everything went down hill after 1 day i went to a park. Yes i can remember it like it was yesterday. 1 decade ago me and my little brother were eating ice cream in the sandbox. i walked away to get a ball from mom's car. then i heard my brother shouting in pain(he was barely 3 years old at the time) some 5 year old in red shorts was kicking sand in his face.I ran over and pushed him on asphalt. i was tending to my little brother. then this kid(the one i pushed) threw a stone at my leg. he got up and i beat him til nose bled intensely. i had thought i killed him but that is what he had comming to him. After that day my life went down the shitter.......
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