I am feeling so depressed and suicidal, right now. It was really bad yesterday, but today it feels unbearable. Nothing will ever get better for me. If you search for my old posts, you'll see why. There's no way I ever can find that one and only girl. I have no one to talk to, and I can't have anyone on the Internet to talk to, either, since I'm posting on a mobile phone, due to the failure to get my new computer working, and I have no instant messenger on my mobile, either; the one I can get costs too much for my cheapness to tolerate, and even worse; you have to give your name to buy it, which makes me paranoid. Perhaps you can give a false name, but perhaps not. It's too expensive, anyway; you get the same for free, on computers. Anyway, it doesn't matter if I had anyone to talk to... that wouldn't change my absolute need for true love. Except if I'd end up talking to a girl that could end up being her... but that's kind of unlikely. I am so depressed... so depressed... so terribly depressed. I am screaming inside. I can't take this loneliness, much longer! Worst is, she can't be Swedish! There's not even any use of thinking she could be from the same country. I don't like the Swedish language... it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am a very unlikable person... no one ever likes me, and I don't blame them. I love being hated... yet I just want to be loved... but I know that's impossible. The vast majority would hate me if they knew me, and I don't blame them. I welcome their hatred for me. Their hatred makes me more visible to those who wouldn't hate me, anyway... like my true love. But I won't find her, anyway... :sad: if only I'd be dead... maybe I'd be luckier in my new life.