Why some friends disappear

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by kurenai, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    I'm reading on a lot of forums about friends not being there for us when we really need them. I was talking to my boss yesterday (about being suicidal) and she had a perspective that might help you guys. She said some of her friends and family kept their distance when she was doing badly, not because they didn't care, but because her situation was WAY out of their league, and they just didn't know how to deal with, they had no idea how to help. Except most people are too ashamed to say that to someone, hey, I can't help you, I'm sorry, so they just stay away. A lot of misunderstandings could be avoided if people could just say that though! Does anyone have any experiences with this?
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    You make a lot of sense Kurenai!
    I mean... I guess from my point of view though I find it so hurtful that someone I would call a friend, would shy away in my greatest hour of need. How would they feel if I did the same to them?

    But then again - in a similar situation I might be scared of saying the wrong thing to tip them even further over the edge. So yeah I see what you mean.
    *sighs* it's so difficult because there is really no good answer here. :(
  3. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    My friend stopped talking to me because she couldn't handle my depression. That was 3 months ago. How I long to talk to her again. Her way of dealing with things was to omit herself from the picture altogether. I hope she's just doing it so that I can find a way to get better on my own, and not be so dependant on her. I'm just hoping.
  4. Ranxerox

    Ranxerox Well-Known Member

    My "friends" abandoned me for some reason when i was in high school. I guess people just enter your life and then leave.
  5. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    yea, that makes sense, i mean if the stakes are too high, people just tend to run away and hence disappear from our lives for unexplainable reasons.
    Think about it like this, if a friend of yours was suicidal, you wanted her to be well, however ,you just aren't the understanding type so you know, you would make her feel worse. So what are you gonna do? Call her up and say "I'm sorry, I don't think I could help you and I'm scared I might make it worse for you, so I can't keep in contact, no more, hope you understand".....even if someone did say that, I'm sure they would feel tremendous guilt, for not bein able to help.
    So most people take the easy way out, to be discreet and avoid the person.
    Of course both methods can be harmful to the affected person, so i guess the most somebody that is not very understanding could do to help their friend is to get somebody that's trained to do it.....like recommending a counsellor and stuff.
  6. depleted_soul

    depleted_soul Well-Known Member

    That makes a lot of sense and I do believe many people don't know how to deal with suicide and depression. But I would rather them just tell me, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you but I can listen if you want to talk" instead of just ignoring me and keeping their distance. I've had some "friends" who told me I could share my problems with them and talk to them about anything. But once I opened up about my depression they completely shut the door in my face and stopped having any contact with me. I wasn't expecting them to solve my problems, but it would've been nice to have someone to talk to especially since I've always been there for them when they had problems and needed a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes just knowing someone is there for you and cares about you means way more than any words.