Why suicide?

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by faegyre, Mar 29, 2012.

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  1. faegyre

    faegyre New Member

    I just found out that a guy in my dorm tried to kill himself. It's not my wing (we don't have coed wings, and I'm a girl), but I spend almost all my time there... I knew that guy, he lived across the hall from one of my best friends. I saw him almost every day, we talked from time to time. He wasn't super smiley, but he was friendly, had a good social life... I just don't get it. I mean, I have been in some rough places in my life, I've wanted to stop living before, but I've never been able to convince myself to try suicide. I can't bring my self to hurt the people in my life that way. I mean, this guy's friends are drinking and crying, they're really messed up. Even the people like me, who only knew him cuz they happened to live in the same place, we're still pretty shaken up. I don't understand how life can be so bad you can stop caring about how much you're gonna fuck up other people's lives. I understand having so much pain you just want it all to stop, and even feeling so lonely and uncared for that you think it won't matter... But when you have loving, caring friends... I don't get it.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    AT that point in time i can tell you you are NOT THINKING okay you are just reacting to the overwhelming pain there is no logic no reasoning you just want out Who knows what triggered this you person what his past was who knows I hope he recovers and he gets the help and support he needs now to get strong and well. No one can judge him really we do not know his pain what it was that drove him to such a desperate act I hope all his friends get some therapy from the school as well and perhaps have open conversation about suicide
    Some times there are no warning signs hun but other times there are and maybe if people knew them they would perhaps have seen behind his mask of being well
     
  3. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    I agree with total eclipse. Basically it is a case of coping methods/your suffering being outweighed by hopelessness/the need for relief and an end to the suffering.....it does leave you unable to think the ay you would when you are 'coping'. It's like balancing on scales. Once you add too many bricks to one side and it outweighs the other, eventualy with too much weight the whole thing collapses. Getting support, or finding something to keep you hanging takes a brick off and keeps you in balance. But what if you don't have that. Or those things don't weigh enough to tip the scales.

    Each persons pain and suffering is different from the next, and their coping resources/methods are different as is their ability to think positively. It is sad but it can't be helped sometimes. Ecliipse is right, there aren't always warning signs and it can seem out the blue but trust me if they tried it, it's not out of the blue. (He is possibly like me and just extremely good at hiding it...) Also it is awful to continue your own suffering just so you don't cause pain to others and many of us do that every day and it is so so hard watching others laugh and enjoy things you can't whilst you are in blackness and who are we to say when it becomes too much. But this is what lots of us do, though it takes enormous strength and tests us to our limits.

    I really hope he can get some help and see a brighter future for himself, and hope he can find people to share his pain with to ease the burden of these awful feelings. I also hope those around him can have someone to talk to as well, it will help. Generally, nobody really wants or chooses to feel this way, but life has other plans for us. :(
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    From my own experience of suicidle tendancies which i still get first thing everyone hates you nobody will care if your here or not.You can live a normal life with these thoughts dragging you down everyday but cause suicide is classed as taboo you tend to hide your intentions of it and thoughts.So life is normal for ppl around you yet you fght the demons and look like everything is normal then when you are alone thats when those demons really invade and your state of mind isnt thinking properly of what damage you will leave behind when you die.Sometimes its not you want to die but you have no way out and unfortuantly you not thinking of people that do care its (well in my case)impulsive and if you could explain to me why we get suicidle and how to stop it i d be happy its a fucked place to be and never wish upon anyone.I do seem normal and strong but deep down have the urge to die and to be honest not many people would pick up on it looking at me we all have our own demons some deal with them and some get overwhelmed
     
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Yes, this is it exactly.

    I know when I get in that frame of mind I feel like I don't want to tell anyone because first of all I don't trust them to be able to handle it and second because of the taboo and finally because who cares if they know or if they don't know because they'll just say stupid shit like 'don't be so selfish' or some other meaningless phrase that won't do anything or mean anything and probably just make you feel even worse… and if you're really going to do it then it's a personal thing and it's not like you owe your life to anyone especially a bunch of people who end up saying what the OP said as if it's all about them and not the guy who did it.

    Even now, all you seem to care about is that you can't just live your life normally and have to deal with what you seem to think is a guilt trip-- you don't actually care about the guy, you just care about not being able to have fun or feel good about yourselves. But it wasn't even about you… most people who come out with the 'it's so selfish' thing haven't got a clue what they're talking about and I actually have to question whether or not they're even really human. I'm sure you would have been a lot happier if he'd just gone off into some secluded forest and done it quietly so no one would ever have known.

    I don't think that most people in the world are exactly rushing to help out people who have problems or could possibly burden them-- most people think they're good and caring and everything but the truth is they're not… especially when they're in a dorm room and only really care about having fun and getting laid. If you go around acting depressed then not only will you probably not get the help you need, but people will avoid you and spread rumors and your friends will start talking about you as if you're cramping their style and then accuse you of being selfish or a jerk and then you won't even have your fake friends anymore and will be completely alone.

    I think that most people who are suicidal don't want to kill themselves they just don't feel like they have anyone who will actually be willing to support them or who will know how to act… or who won't get all weird and stupid about it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2012
  6. Brokengirl123

    Brokengirl123 Well-Known Member

    Excellent perception that I didn't even think about or come to recognise at first. So many people pretend to care and be good hearted. But they can be the same ones who will make jokes about suicide or people that have done it later on, or make fun of depressive people without a thought to what they are going through. People do avoid people like us if we are vocal about our depression. I wouldn't even dream of telling anyone but my mum/fiance I felt suicidal....I would be looked at like a 'crazy' person or 'mental' after that. People would view me differently forever. Especially cos my dad did it...so I know all the stigmas only too well.

    It also annoys me when people say it is selfish, i'll be honest. Sometimes I think that expecting someone to live with an unbearable amount of pain and suffering is selfish, just so they don't have to feel bad when you die or hear about it. Lots of people always think of themselves first before others I guess. II think it's different with those who love you beyond measure eg your parents as it isnt selfish of them, it is just unbearable a thought to them to lose you so it makes them think 'selfishly' the way we think 'irrationally' I suppose. But people who only sort of like you or know you....why is it so important that the suicidal person suffers just so you don't have to be affected for however a temporary time it takes before you move on and can laugh again.

    I will always want people to help themselves and not do the worst, always. But I understand how they can feel like there is no hope left or no way to improve things, that there is only one option.

    I know my work 'friends' were so happy with me and loved my company when I was the fun, sweet outgoing girl that made them laugh. Then when my walls crumbled and I couldnt keep the facade up after over a decade they were talking about me and bummed out all the time because they couldnt have fun without me, it was like they didn't know how to on their own. I was bringing them down and stopping their fun with my low mood, and they were annoyed and resentful about it. The odd time they asked what is wrong and pretended to care and want to talk. But you only get a few chances like that. Then after that they want you to snap out of it and be fun again. Come onnn, things aren't so bad, come onnn lets go out at the weekend and have fun!! LIfe is great, yeah! We are going on holiday soon, and shopping for lovely dresses, then we are going to do zumba class to dance and then sit in the sun with a cocktail at lunchbreak!! Lets talk about things you will never get to do again brokengirl because of your problems, but lets forget about that for now cos we are having too much fun fun funn to think about how insensitive we are being! Come on make us laugh brokengirl, you are so pretty come on life isn't so bad, cheer up keep your chin up life is greeeeeat!!! Stop being so morbidddd.

    ffs

    But yeah to sum up...not everyone out there is like the people on here... :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2012
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sometimes, even when you have great friends, it doesn't change how you feel about yourself. Even when I seem to have all the support in the world, when I'm really low, all I can think about is suicide. Hopefully now he will be able to get the help he needs.
     
  8. darcy1

    darcy1 Well-Known Member

    i saw this on a web site once and it made sense to me. RE: suicide not always being a 'choice'.

    the only thing i dissagree with is the statement about medication....as there are many articles and wesites eluding to the fact that SSRIs can actually worsen the situation in some cases.
    i believe sometimes a soul walks so far into the darkness that even meds won't help. you can't understand if you have never been there.
    here's the quote....

    The Suicidal Process
    "Suicide does not just occur. Experience has shown that it is more often the end result of a process that has developed over a period of time..." N.L. Farberow

    Suicide is the outcome of neurobiological and psychological breakdown. Becoming suicidal is a process that begins in severe stress and pain generated by a serious life crisis.

    Stress and pain increase as the crisis, or the perception of it, worsens. As this happens, control and self-esteem deteriorate. Depression may be a cause or a side effect of the process.

    Suicidality occurs when the stress induces psychological pain so unbearable that death is seen as the only relief. Prior to this point the individual is at risk of becoming suicidal. Beyond it the individual is at risk of completing suicide. Becoming suicidal is a crisis that causes traumatic stress.

    Ingrained beliefs and values may cause an individual to be stigmatized by their own suicidality. This leads to shame and guilt. These cause alienation from self and withdrawal from others, which are also drivers.

    Suicidality entails changes in brain chemistry and physiology. Suicidal individuals manifest various chemical imbalances. Most notable is depleted serotonin, a neurotransmitter that inhibits self-harm. This is a neurological threshold and those near or beyond it must be treated with medications.

    There is no choice. Suicidal individuals are beset by suffering that is distracting and disabling. Suicidality is a state of total pain which limits options to enduring or ending utter agony.

    The suicide prevention and suicide loss literature unfortunately continue to allude to suicide as a choice. This is stigmatizing and denies that those lost to suicide are victims of a process that in the end is beyond their control
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    When I attempted, my despondency was so deep that suicide felt like the natural thing to do. I had no inhibition to it. I had no way to defend myself from myself. My suicidal feelings built up over a period of many years of extreme stress and bitter disappointments.

    I too, hope your friend gets the help that he needs.
     
  10. Lolathecat

    Lolathecat New Member

    Gloomy....WELL said..Bravo!
     
  11. Perhapsa3

    Perhapsa3 Well-Known Member

    I've been so open about my suicide ideation that I forget people hide it. Strange. To answer your question, for some it's The Long-Run. How long could you live under certain conditions? Example: I lived at home with my parents. After failing nursing school, attempting suicide, entering a psych ward and having everyone read my suicide note I felt like I would never be able to get a degree for a job to support myself. There was no way my parents were going to let me live with them forever. The Long-Run. My future was shattered. Friends can or will only support you for so long.
     
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