Why the fuck me?Why me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jack24, Sep 4, 2015.

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  1. Jack24

    Jack24 New Member

    I used to be a happy kid.I had nice life.I dreamt about having woman.And kids.I dreamt about all i would never had

    My name is Anes.Im 38.<mod edit- remove personal info>.When i was little.My grandma spilled coffe on me.They said i was a goner.Im done for.Il be dead.Told my mom i would be dead.But this baby had some fight.Thank you bitch for that.And hope god sorts you

    Man.Growing up i was happy kid.I had many friends.I used to live in a town called PRIJEDOR
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prijedor_massacre
    Why that fucking town.If i was born in Germany or even in Usa.I would have had some friends.I would have had maybe kid.I dont know
    I was 15.I listened to people getting killed.Iv seen wounded.I received rifle butt,you know in stomach.Happy kid of 15.Became a bitter kid at 15.All the stuff i saw.All the family members i lost.I mean

    When i was 18-19.I was stealing and i had friends.Man.Why dont you get laid,my buddies told me.This dude was bragging to me once.Wtf.I fuck all the time.You know i was busy living on the street.Stealing for living.Fuuuuck.I mean

    Later on in life.I moved to United States.Dont get me wrong.This country has potential,but nobody gives a fuck.You are depressed?You have been hospitalized?Ohhh,sure.This is worser then prison record.You think that they would say.Ohhh boy.You will be killed.Why am i writing this

    I tried to commit suicide twice.Once back in 1994.Second time back in 2007.I dont know

    Im glad,that god told me.You will be over 6 ft tall.You would look like a mountain.Have all that muscle.You would look like that.And have all that.But,in my mind im scared to know

    To top that,when i lost my sister in 1992.My father from cancer back in 2010.I dont have fucking have anybody to give me support.I tried to meet people here,i tried.I never spoke English,but unlike some.I have mastered that language.Passable i guess.Last 2 years when i saw my father guts.And all his insides,kinda fucked me up as well.I mean.Im not short.Im over 6 ft.God saved me.I survived lot of shit.Lot of death

    And here you get to meet a man.And he asks you to do him.I mean have sex with him.I found that disgusting but i guess

    So.I dont know.If anybody suffers from depression in Boston area.Let me know.If not.Well
    Im looking for support
    And since my father cant give me support i need.Who the fuck would i ask for a support

    I dont know.Im tired of living this lie.So called life
    Im tired of this shit,im tired of everything.I often think about lot of shit in my life
    I mean.Why the fuck me

    Why every shit happens to me

    And to top that,my woman left me.After year of telling how i was her man,how she loved and respected me.Later on i found out she gave plenty of Bjs on side


    Now

    Why the fuck me.Why do i have to do every single nasty things.Why cant i have a kid.My late father had a kid at 27.Il never have a kid.I dont know.Smile

    How can i fucking smile

    :):(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2015
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Your mental health record here in the US is just like any other medical record- NOBODY has access to it unless you give it to them and nobody knows anything about it unless you choose to tell them, so having been treated, hospitalized, or attempted suicide has no bearing on any opportuniities you may find here.

    I would really encourage you to try to focus on what you want to do in the future and what you need to do to make it possible instead of focus on difficulties in the past. Sadly, many many people have little or no support system - and thta applies to all parts of the world and for many reasons. While an extended family support system certainly is an asset, many peopel, including myself have had to deal with life with no family support. It is a challenge but it is not insurmountable.

    Look toward what you can do today to try to make tomorrow better and concentrate on what you can control to make life better.


    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
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