Why the hell do I even bother? *triggering*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Clockwork Reality, Jan 12, 2009.

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  1. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    It's been a rotten day. One of those days where nothing goes right, the weather is shitty, you come to the realization that nobody respects or appreciates you, and that you're a cheap tool for others to use. It's been one of those days that refuses to die.

    It's nearly midnight now and I'm just now returning home from a long day. Way too long. I day where I worked my ass off for my boss and it culminated with getting called stupid.

    I mean, Christ, I'm just a man. I make mistakes. I can't be perfect all the time. I look around and my coworkers and their long lunch breaks, their oblivious attitudes, their increasingly long smoke breaks and their happy lives with pretty little wives and bouncing babies. Fucking picket fences and dogs in the yard and visiting in-laws at Thanksgiving. My last Thanksgiving meal was a microwavable burrito.

    Looking at this logically, all I can figure is that I'm all fucked up. That's the hardest thing to come to grips with. Job I'm not good at, no friends, no family. I'm such a piece of shit. I'd avoid me too.

    I wanted things to be different; I really did. Three years ago, when everything was on the skids, I managed to walk away from the edge. I resolved to redouble my efforts in my career, to work harder, to try to be smarter and more attractive. Three years later, I have nothing to show for it. Same job, no friends, no family. Just a big fucking pile of failure. I should have looked at the edge and gone over laughing.

    Hell, sometimes I want to just get this over with, but I'm of being an even bigger failure, so I can't even do that. Such a fucking slave to the flesh. Goddamn it.
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Have you seen American Beauty? It basically says that the "perfect suburban life" is actually really shit and you are better off beign free from it.

    Give me the microwave burritto any day than that kind of false picket fence shit they call life.
  3. Jooper62

    Jooper62 Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate to you...I work hard yes I a human I make mistakes at work..But I tell myself even those who critical of my mistakes they make mistakes also I am not a perfect human being by all mean but give it my best if they don't like it screw them... because they are not better than me . I go to see a threapist to help deal with adittueds of other people but like i told her you can so much turn the other check and one has to stand up for themselfs or people will keep on messing with you
  4. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    i understand fully. i live alone, hardly anybody even knows where i live. at work i get in trouble by telling people the truth that they do not like. i have no freinds, i don't even bother getting a phone cause nobody will call anyways. i have a sh*t job, and nobody to come home to. nobody even cares if i make it home or to work.
    so ya, i understand how you are. but you are here. that is a good thing. your post helped me realize that i am not alone.
    thank you.
  5. ChillCash

    ChillCash Active Member

    I too have a shit job, only on the weekends since I cant stand being there for more than two days in a week. The rest of the week I am locked in my room surfing the internet feeling depressed or nothing at all. I lost my friends due to not having enough energy or want to socialize with anyone anymore. My dad tries to help me, but I'm beyond help. The only thing that helps now is the drugs. Once I can't have them I might as well be dead.
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Thanks to everyone who replied. Work still sucks. Future still looks bleak. It's ok. I'm just fucking depressed.
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