Okay, Chronological order of events.. \\2007\September I meet Mia, girl, classmate. We start talking, cool. Have fun, mess around.\\2007\October\ I make the error of falling in love with her. She says no. My father dies. //Pretty much at once.. I get depressed. She tries to help, tries to look out, etc.\\2007\November I get more and more down, She gets fed up with the fact that she has to lookout, cause I get all suicidal if she doesnt. I tell her to just let go, and not to care about me. I think its over, depression decreases.\\2007\December Empty nights, I feel alone, getting back to the blues again.. Meet Chy, on net.. Talk to her, nothing much. Talk some more, we understand each other a lot.\\2008\January\ New year, start with getting drunk. See Mia again, think: God, your cold, your an asshole.. Feel cold, alone, Get closer to Chy. One day, I look into Mia's eyes, for some reason. I freeze. I know something has changed. I dont know wether I love her or not. Have some long night conversations with Chy.. She's more than just an msn contact.. \\present day\ I dont know what the hell I want.. I need a hug. not a smiley, a hug.. I want to feel someone love me. I'm goddamn alone.. Whats going to happen is, I found someone, I get hurt by them, I get depressed again, and find someone again. It just goes round and round. Why should I?