To try or not to try, that is the question: (ok, sappy intro but check this out have you ever felt like your digging a hole so deep you have to struggle to get out. You defend your position of why you should not "keep trying" to get out with two key facts. 1). You have tried and failed, and this has broken your trust 2). It hurts to fail, and we avoid pain when possible. I’m going to restate ther points like this. 1). You have tried and failed so it’s difficult for you to trust and become vulnerable again. A lack of hope stops you from trying again. This pain stops you from trying again. 2). It hurts to fail so it's difficult to keep trying when you believe the end result will be painful. Like getting an electric shock everytime you touch your door door handle. Soon you'll start to cringe and fear going through that door.. What is the result and what do you gain from not trying again? You gain “safety”. You won’t be hurt or rejected again. You won't fail again and suffer that emotional pain. But does this safety reduce your emotional pain ... or increase it? Because by not trying again you also loose any chance of achieving the relationship you desire, or the happiness and peace you are struggling to attain. In the short term not trying appears to have the advantage because it saves you from conflict and pain, but in the long term it’s cauasing you a LOT MORE pain. Paulo Coelho: "But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for." How willing are you to accept the fact that every time you have tried and failed in the past does NOT mean every time you try you will fail in the future? I can’t see the future. It’s possible you will fail and fail again but the law of averages is in your favor. Is it worth trying for? Is it worth fighting for? If you answered, "yes" than lets start talking about HOW you're going to try. Let's start talking about those safe circles that can draw you closer and closer to your goals. Is it trying and failing with relationships?: I can't stress how much this has to do with trust and frequency. And by frequency I mean two things: The number of times we try. And meeting and receiving support from people on the same frequency or channel as ouselves. I sometimes think of it like this, there are a lot of channels on the radio. I have specific stations I like to listen to and specific channels I don't. (For example, I don't like country) If you are honest to yourself you will select the radio stations you personally like. However, when your in someone else's car how often have we faked a smile and put up with a station or two that we don't really like. Even going so far as to say, "Oh yeah, this is good." If your hanging out with people just because life has dragged you into their path but they are not really your kind of crowd then you may find yourself faking a smile just to fit in. And when you become real to them, express your real thoughts and opinions, they are a bit shocked and back away. It's because you and they are not on the same frequency. So we begin by discovering who YOU really are. What do you enjoy? Not what crowd do you think you should be in but what crowd are you the most comfortable with? The most real with? Once we get you into a group of people with the same frquency then you will have significantly better luck establishing closer relationships. If your having trouble connecting in relationships it could be because as you try to establish deeper connections with people of a different frequency it just makes noise, not harmony. When you are with others who enjoy some of the same activities, political views, religous views, music, hobbies, movies, etc.. (not all because there is only one actual YOU. But enough common interest that you can and naturally WILL draw closer to them. See, on this site we share the same struggle of depression and trust issues. We can talk about some very intimate and real experiences and thoughts with each other and that establishes a connection. Time = intamacy. The more time you share with others on the same frequency the closer you draw to them. Think of drawing closer to people as turning up the volume. As you draw closer to them your turning up you radio station and they are turning up theirs. If their playing ballads and your playing rock theres going to be a lot of noise and the natural response is to turn down the volume again, or back away from the intamacy. It's not you! It's not rejection if your playing ballads and they're playing rock and the chance for intimacy fails and people draw apart. Your not somehow defective or broken. I want you to repeat that. I AM NOT DEFECTIVE OR BROKEN! You are unique and people are complex. We get the right group of people together and you can make some great music! You can be real. You can draw closer and more intamately to them. So, what are your interests, hobbies, favorite books, movies, subjects in school, sports, and anything you deem important to the real you? Take the time to know these things about yourself so you can connect to others. Is it trying and failing with goals?: 1). "don't believe the lie that things are hopeless because they feel that way. That is a chemically induced emotion." Yes, all emotions are chemically induced. But have you ever had a chemically induced emotion that was not real? Well, the emotion was real but their was no event or anything that caused it.. For example: lets say you took a drug that made you deleriously happy. Even though you are going to a funeral and normally you would be sad and experience deep grief and loss, etc. You don't, because of this artificially chemically induced "happy" pill you feel like your watching a funny movie. Depression usually starts off with an event, a trauma, a period of long sadness / despair / hopelessness. Depression can also be genetic and have no point of origin at all. So, basically it comes down to not being able to cope with what is "normal" for most people. This does not make you weak or less than others. If I slipped a "depression" pill into your drink and you felt sadness / despair / hopelessness is it because your weak? Of course not, no more than if you took a drug that makes you happy and you go to a loved ones funeral and felt happy are you therefore happy about the loss? No. The emotion does not fit your true response because it is overpowered by an artificial chemically induced emotion not triggered by the event or your natural thoughts, but triggered by a pill. I didn't slip a depression pill into your drink; however, the same rule applies. You didn't ask for depression. It's not because your weak. But if your brain is "stuck" on the emotions of sadness / despair / hopelessness, as in depression, then you will feel that way REGARDLESS of the fact that your life is not hopeless or full of despair and sadness. The emotion does not fit your true response because it is overpowered by an artificial chemically induced emotion not triggered by your life or your natural thoughts, but triggered by depression. And YES, artifically induced because without this illness, without sadness / despair / hopelessness stuck in your mind all the time you would feel differently. Your emotions would result from your thoughts and your environment truthfully. Yes, your feelings are real but they are not the TRUTH! They may be true some of the time because everyone feels saddness / despair / hopelessness some of the time, but not ALL the time! Not even a majority of the time unless you are under a trauma or suffering a loss. So don't believe the "lie" that because you feel depressed most of the time your are weak or you are somehow messing up your life and thats why you feel this way. Or the idea that you don't matter and no one cares. It may feel that way but ask yourself, really think non-judgementally for a sec, is that true? Be on your guard against feelings of sadness / despair / hopelessness and really question it. Because it's like wearing dark sunglasses.. everything looks dark.. but is it? If it's high noon and there is no solar eclipse QUESTION the validity that everythig is truely dark! There is a saying, if the shoe doesn't fit don't wear it. Similar to that, if the emotion doesn't fit don't believe it!